Allison and Reid
by cmfanreidsgirl
Summary: A young girl abused since she was little. Her friends are far away and she has nowhere to run or hide where she won't be found. She goes to her best friend FBI agent Dr. Spencer Reid. He is to be her legal guardian. Will she ever have a normal relationship? How will she deal with her past? Will she find love in the man that saved her and raised her? Will they have a relationship?
1. Chapter 1

Character: Allison Olsen Rivers

Lives in: Albuquerque, New Mexico

Father: died

Mother: has an abusive boyfriend

Allison is 13 and in 11th grade and next semester will be transferred to 12th grade. One semester of 11th to complete and one of 12th.

Allison has an IQ of 180 and has an eidetic memory, and photographic memory. She can also read 15,000 words a minute. She also has a mentor b/c of her genius.

Her mother's boyfriend sexually abuses her and she is picked on in school.

Story rated teen, for language, sexual content, and teen emotions

My name is Allison. Allison Olson Rivers. A few years ago my dad died from lung cancer. He survived several years of being in the Navy. I'm still sad about it from time to time. Now my mom has a new boyfriend. She had him when Dad was sick. I don't like him very much. In fact I hated his guts. When he hugs me his hands are too low on my waist, for a hug just from one person to another. I tried to tell my mom but she called me a liar.

That's not all in my life. I have an IQ of 180, an eidetic and photographic memory and I'm a 13 years old, in 11th grade. At the end of the semester, I'm being transferred into 12th grade. I'm also juggling several jobs. Life is just crazy. I only have to do a semester in the two years everyone claims is the hardest in high school. They're all hard for me. I get picked on daily.

I have one true friend in this world. I write to him at least twice a week. I call him when I really need to talk to someone. Sometimes I e-mail him when I need a response quickly. I had to set him up an e-mail. I was in some kind of program, it was to help people like me, and him deal with the world. He has an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words a minute. He lives in Quantico, Virginia. I had no idea what the program was. My dad had signed me up for it, and since he was in the military, he signed me up with an FBI agent. Someone he could trust to help me and someone I could trust.

A few months before Christmas break; Halloween night ̶ ̶ a week after my birthday, the abuse I was suffering from my mom's boyfriend became much worse. I could hardly stand it. He came into my room every night. That wasn't new. Before it was just rubbing his hands all over me; now he was crossing the biggest boundary that should never be crossed with a minor, especially your significant other's kid.

He said things like, "Now Alli I know you've done it before you little slut, now let me show how a real man does it." I heard things like that from him all the time now. He also told me, "Pucker up and give me a good night kiss if you don't want to get hurt whore." I was always afraid of what he would do if I didn't do as he said, so I did as he said. After he left I would weep quietly. In the morning I would shower, not fully rested from a fitful night's sleep. After every night I told myself how many more days there were left till I could go see Spencer. Mother and Theodore almost never stayed home for the holidays.

"40 days, only 39 more days, 38 days, 37 days, 36 days, 35 days." I hated the count down.

With all of this I never let my grades slip. A scholarship was my only way out of this hell, to get out of the state. About a week before Christmas break I found out that my mom and her bf were going to Cancún, Mexico. They were going alone. I would have the house to myself. I knew they wouldn't call to check up on me. Since my family had money I was not staying home. I was going to see my best friend. I hadn't seen him since my 10th birthday, which wasn't that great of a day because my father died on that day. Some birth day present, huh? I never celebrated it again. I didn't let anyone else celebrate it either. But I was glad he was there, he was the only person I could safely show my emotions to, besides my dad.

It was now Christmas break and my mother and her bf had left last night. I packed a bag with some clothes, reminding myself it was cold in Virginia. I packed some jeans and some sweat pants and a sweater or two and some turtle necks. I packed my hygiene products and went to the cash box that my father had given me. It had had a million dollars in it. I had most of it in a bank account in my name. I rarely used that money. I had it hidden where no one would ever think to look. I sent my mail to my father's military office; where his friend had kept his mail box open for me. My mother and her bf would just throw my mail away and use my money for themselves. My father's friend was involved in some illegal activity and I had threatened to turn him in if he didn't keep it open for me. My lips have been sealed since I was eight.

I took a few thousand dollars with me. I needed to tell someone what was happening to me every night. It was getting worse. I took a cab to the airport and then boarded a plane. I may have been only 13, but I looked 21. The funny part about this fact was I was still waiting for normal body parts to develop and to go through puberty. Besides, if you were 12 you could fly alone. It was a five hour flight to D.C., which was only 7 miles from Quantico. I caught a cab and took it as close as I could get to my friend's one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. Even though his apartment only had one bathroom and one bedroom it was fairly large. I had to walk a few miles because of road work, but I didn't mind. The air here was so crisp, I was used to hot and dry.

I got to my friend's apartment. I knocked on the door and waited. I didn't think I could hear anything or anyone inside. I walked down the hall to the window. I looked out the window that looked over the parking lot. His car was there, but he usually walked to the metro—weather permitting-then after getting off the metro he walked the last two blocks to his office. I had sent him an e-mail and a text saying that I was coming. I could've called, but I was never given a moments privacy. I decided to call him before I used my keys. I didn't hear his cell phone on the inside of the apartment. He did answer though.

"Hello?" was the response I heard.

"Hi, Spencer, it's Allison," I said.

"Oh yeah, I got your text and e-mail that you were coming. Where are you?" He asked, concern coloring his voice. D.C. was a big and dangerous city.

"I'm outside your apartment. I just didn't want to barge in uninvited, that would be rude of me," I said.

"Wait! You're here right now?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered uncertain, feeling I had crossed a boundary.

"You're outside my apartment right now?" he asked.

"As we speak," I said. I waited for a response, when I didn't get one I asked, "Did I cross a boundary?"

"Uh, no, no, you're fine. Just use your keys and go in. I should be there in a few hours," Spencer said.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem Allison."

As I entered the apartment I wondered if he was on the plane and was now having to explain to the team. Ahhh, young Dr. Spencer Reid I thought. I set my stuff down by the sofa and looked inside the fridge. Of course since he wasn't home much and ate out, a lot, there wasn't much there. I grabbed $100 from my bag and left a note on the table, in case he got back before I did. I walked to the grocery store that was just 4 blocks away and got some food. I also stopped at the Chinese restaurant for supper. Both of us loved Chinese. I got back to his apartment with 15 minutes to spare. I threw the note away and started some coffee and put the groceries away.

When he entered the apartment 30 minutes later I had the Chinese food set out on the table and coffee in the coffee pot. "I hope you don't mind that I went out and got some groceries, and supper." I said. He knew I had used my own money. It was hard for me to even take a penny from him.

"Not at all. How long are you staying?" he asked sitting down.

"Till the second; School starts again on the 3rd," I said. He wouldn't ask if I had taken a cab to get the groceries. He had seen me fight a fully grown man that was twice my size and weight last year, I could usually defend myself. Now I was here. Now all I had to do was tell him. The question was, could I? I had kept it a secret for at least 3 long years. Since I was 8, I was now 13.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I decided to tell him when we were doing the dishes. "Can I tell you something?" I asked handing him the last dish I had just finished washing. Part of the mentor thing was that we tell each other secrets, and try to help each other. With his job, I knew he could help me.

"Sure, what is it?" he asked at the look on my face. I refused to talk until both of us were sitting. I grabbed his hand and led him to the sofa. I sat down and he slowly sat down beside me.

"As you already know, I don't like my mother's boyfriend. Some of it is because he's not my father. I told my mother something was off about him. She called me a liar. At first, when I was 8 it was just hugs where his hands could touch my ass," I said tears starting to choke me off.

"At first?" Spencer asked.

"When I turned 11 and body parts were starting to develop, it became feeling me everywhere. That lasted for a few months before he started making me kiss him while he was feeling me. When he wanted me to give him _a good night kiss_ as he called it he said, 'Pucker up and give me a good night kiss if you don't want to get hurt whore.' I was always afraid of what he would do, so I did as he said," I said shuddering and my voice choked off. I wasn't able to look him directly in the eye right at this moment. I had my fingers interlocked and my thumbs were pressed against my forehead. My elbows were on my knees and my body was shaking because of my sobs. I felt an arm slip over my shoulders and I leaned into my mentor's chest.

"It got worse, didn't it?" he asked.

I nodded, "yes," I whispered. "When I turned 13, it turned into him having sex with me. It started just a few months ago. He keeps saying 'Now Alli I know you've done it before you little slut. Let me show you how a real man does it.' A few days ago I had an abortion. I have no business raising a child as young as I am or in the state of mind I'm in." I sobbed now barely able to get my lungs filled up with enough air to catch my breath. Now I felt two arms around me and I curled myself into Spencer's side. I knew if I had gone through with my pregnancy I would be in greater danger and my baby could be killed for sport or used as a sacrifice. I couldn't give the child the life he or she deserved.

Later that night I was awakened by someone shaking me. I woke up on the couch. I had insisted on sleeping on the sofa. "Allison! Allison! Wake up!" I sat up, panting, tears rolling down my face. Then I noticed Spencer was kneeling in front of me and had his hand on my shoulder. "You were yelling," Spencer said.

I nodded and put my arms around his neck, "nightmare," I breathed. I was tired of being alone. I no longer wanted to be alone. "I don't want to be alone Spencer," I said. I didn't want him to leave my side. When I was with him, I felt safe, I wasn't afraid. That feeling felt so good, but I almost never felt it.

"You don't have to be alone anymore." Spencer said squeezing in behind me on the sofa. It wasn't hard for him to do, considering I was 5'5 and weighed only 95 lbs. He too was slender. He put his forearm in front of me so he could put his hand on my shoulder and the rest of his arm was resting on my ribs. I pressed into him and murmured a thanks before I fell back to sleep.

The next morning I heard a phone going insane. I woke up and saw a phone on the coffee table. I managed to grab it before I felt something pull me back. For a second I almost had a heart attack, then I remembered; Spencer was on the couch with me. I was in Quantico, not Albuquerque and my mother's boyfriend wasn't behind me. How did I get such a good friend? I looked at his phone; it was 7:00 a.m. I flipped open his phone and it was his alarm. I turned it off. He and his team didn't brief cases till 10:00 a.m. I rolled over so I could face him. "Spencer, your alarm on your phone just went off." I said.

"Umm," was the response I got.

I managed to slide out of his grip enough to kiss him on the cheek, "Rise and shine boy genius." I said. He opened his eyes to look at me as I moved some hair out of his face. "You awake yet?" I asked.

"No," he sighed closing his eyes again. He was so not a morning person.

"I know what will wake you up," I said sliding out of his grasp. I was glad I was so small. I could easily get up without disturbing him. I started the coffee, then I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and my shoulder length raven black hair that fell to the bottom of my shoulder blades. I washed my face and my hands, then I came back and the coffee was done. I poured Spencer a cup and put sugar in it. I came back to the sofa. I had to move the cup under his nose a little to get him to wake up. "SPENCE!" I said a little louder than I usually talked. Slowly he sat up. "There're those beautiful brown eyes," I said. I couldn't believe I just said that. My hormones were taking control of my head. I had to scold myself, "No, you are 13, he's in his 20's. Someday it might work, but not now. Don't even go down that road, you need him as a friend and don't ruin the only relationship you have girl."

He took the coffee from me, "Thanks," he said.

"You're welcome," I said sitting down with my cup. I was probably the only 13 year old that drank coffee. After he had about two cups of coffee, he noticed I was already put together for the most part. "You look good for this early in the morning."

"Thanks," I said. Then I started laughing at the look on his face. His expression looked like, "Did I just say that to a 13 year old?" "It's fine Spencer," I said going into the kitchen. He was probably now scolding himself. I pulled out the eggs and bacon and bread I had bought. I started frying some bacon; I made some French toast and what was left of the egg mix I used to make scrambled eggs.

"How does a 13 year old know how to cook so much?" Spencer asked.

"Because the 13 year old is the cook at home," I said.

"What you told me last night, would you be willing to tell the rest of my team?" he asked.

I froze for a second, "I'll…I'll try to tell them."

"Okay, I'll call JJ; tell her we have a case," he said.

"When I tell them, do you think you could be in the room with me?" I asked.

"Yeah I think so, they would prefer your parents though," he said.

"Ahh, what parents?" I asked. After he called JJ we had breakfast and then we took turns in the shower and got dressed and we left for the B.A.U.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

It was a quiet ride to the B.A.U. Neither of us spoke or turned on the radio as we usually did. I was very uncertain as I walked into what Spencer called _the bull pen_. Instead of sitting down at his desk as I had expected, he walked up to Hotch's office. Once we entered his office, I noticed one thing. Hotch almost resembled my mother's boyfriend. I felt my chest tighten and I couldn't breathe. I stepped behind Spencer so I could hide. I knew Hotch had a kid and wouldn't hurt me. In fact I had met him before, but at that time I wasn't focused on what he looked like. I grabbed Spencer's arm. Then Morgan came in, his muscles resembled my mother's boyfriend's muscles. This time I couldn't move. I was frozen in fear. I had met Morgan before as well, but like I was with Hotch at the time I wasn't focused on appearance. I had shown Spencer a picture of my mother's boyfriend. Spencer looked down at me for a few moments, then at the other two agents in the room.

Then I knew he knew. He put his hand furthest from me on my shoulder furthest away from him so his arm was across my front, and I wrapped my arms around his chest and buried my face into his rib cage. "Her mother's boyfriend has been molesting her, for at least three years now. Her mother got the boyfriend when her father got cancer and died two years later. Her mother doesn't believe her. So she came to me. And you two both have similarities to the boyfriend," Spencer said. I was gratefully he had said it; I wouldn't have been able to.

"Where are your mother and the boyfriend now?" asked Hotch.

"Cancún," I whispered.

"They left you behind?" the man named Morgan asked.

"They leave me all the time. I do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, house repairs, juggle three jobs on week days and four on the weekends, and I make sure the bills are paid properly. And I'm about to be transferred to 12th grade after Christmas break." I said. As I spoke it felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders, I didn't have to carry this burden alone anymore.

"You do all of that?" asked Hotch.

I nodded, "To make sure that I get something to eat."

"What jobs do you work?" asked Hotch.

"After school I walk to the public library and work there till 5:00 then I walk to Sonic and I work there till 9:00pm and then I work at McDonald's till 12:00am, and on the weekends from 12:00 till 3:00am I get C&R stocked and make sure the shelves are full. And in the morning I get up from 8:00am-5:00pm it's the public library then the other routine again and on Sundays instead of the library it's C&R. When I get home I do homework and chores till 4:00am then I get up at six because the bus comes at 7:00 and I have to make breakfast from my mother and her boyfriend," I said frustrated.

"That's too much for someone so young to handle," said Hotch. I knew, I had been doing it since I was 9.5 years old. I did whatever work I could find. I was always so tired. That's probably why I liked coffee.

"What grade are you transferring from?" asked Morgan. I think he was trying to change the subject and distract me.

"11th," I said. I watched their jaws drop. "What?" I asked. The only one who wasn't surprised was Spencer.

"Are you like Reid?" asked Morgan.

"Kind of, I have an IQ of 180; I have an eidetic memory and a photographic memory. I can also read 15,000 words a minute. And when I graduate high school I'll be 13.5," I said.

"Nice!" said Morgan.

"High schoolers aren't nice. I took down a 6 foot 5 inch basketball player who weighed 206 lbs. who wanted to play grab ass. All the jocks saw, and have left me alone since. It's those who didn't see me take him down, like the gang bangers and cheer leaders that still bug me."

"You took the basketball player down to defend yourself but you can't defend yourself from your mother's boyfriend?" Morgan asked.

"The basketball player was a chicken, a wuss. My mother's boyfriend threatens to hurt me. He may be smaller but I value my life. Don't you value yours?" I asked.

"Point taken," Morgan replied.

I was interviewed and asked questions for hours. "What's the boyfriend's name?" asked Hotch.

"Theodore Michael Clearwater." I said in a small voice.

"When are they coming back?" asked Morgan.

"They'll be back at the end of January; I get some peace, for a little while." I said.

"You can't stay there alone," said Hotch.

"I do it all the time. I'll be fine till the first week of June." I said. I didn't want to go home but I didn't have a lot of choice. I had to finish school. I could tuff it out till then. Besides, he liked young girls. My life wasn't in danger, yet. I would be going to college out of state.

Spencer said, "I'll rent a hotel room down there and when her mother is home with the boyfriend she can stay with me." I was kind of surprised that he had spoken up. He was usually withdrawn, but he was a very sweet person.

I smiled at him, "I would agree to that."

"Are you her legal guardian?" asked Hotch.

"I'm a mentor to her. We're both in this program to help people like us cope with the world," said Spencer.

"She needs a legal guardian," said Hotch, stressing the word legal.

"I want him to be my legal guardian. I want him to be the one to come with me," I said very defensively.

I trusted no one but him right now. Hotch got the paper work so he could be legal guardian. The rest of break passed quickly. Only this time Spencer came with me. I got the things I needed the most out of my room. I didn't have much to collect. I then went to the hotel with Spencer. The manager that was there had a hard time with English but spoke perfect Italian. I also spoke Italian. So I asked for a room with two beds. He handed me the room key and I thanked him and Spencer and I went to our room, fridge, microwave, and that was non-smoking. My life went as it normally did. Walk to school, walk back, do homework; the only exception was I wasn't going home and doing all the adult responsibilities. I quit my jobs! I walked back to the hotel and saw Spencer. I wasn't worried till the week my mother and the S.O.B., were supposed to be coming back. I had shown Hotch, Morgan, JJ, Emily (still part of the team at this time in the story), and Rossi the house and all the hiding places I had made and found. I had built a lot of escape tunnels. They were for my use; I often slipped out at night. I had built them when the S.O.B., had taken my mother to Hawaii.

When they did come home, the team was waiting for them. Theodore was charged with raping a minor, not statutory, because I wanted no part of it and my mother was charged with neglect. She was sentenced to 2 years in a women's correctional facility and her "Teddy" as she called him was sentenced to 15 years to 25 years without the possibility of parole in a state penitentiary. He should have gotten life but he cut a deal. The night mare was over. But now I was on my own. Where could I go? As a minor there weren't very many choices.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I finished high school. I was enrolled in a college in Virginia. So I would be living with Spencer. I went down to the military office and had my mailing address moved to Virginia. I then moved my bank account. After those two things were taken care of, I met Spencer at the airport. I had sold the house. Someone had killed my mother while she was in prison. And the bustard that had caused me so much trouble was in jail for at least 15 years. So there was no need to keep it. I could use the money for college. In college I would be studying to be an abuse victim counselor/therapist. I would be able to relate. I would also be taking profiling classes. I wanted to work for Spencer's team. There might be some victims that wouldn't open up to the team, but perhaps to me. A few years passed. By the time I was 16 I had just a few more weeks of college. I was now 5'10 and 115 lbs.

There was one thing I currently wasn't too happy with. I was in love with Spencer and he was going out with this Janette Simpson. Jealously was a pain in the ass, so were my hormones. They were screaming at me to jump his bones. I had to focus to control myself. He loved her that was obvious. I had profiled this _girl _he was seeing. She was using him, and trying to piss me off. Well she succeeded at that. I had tried to tell Spencer. He wouldn't listen. One morning I was getting ready for work and I was pouring myself a cup of coffee. Spencer came in and said, "Good morning Allison."

"Morning Spencer," I replied in a flat, tired voice. Then Janette walked in to the room wearing one of his button down shirts, nothing else. "I'll see you at work Spencer," I said my voice cracking and walking very briskly for the door with my commuter cup of coffee, jacket and purse. She must of spent the night.

"Allison! Allison!" Spencer called after me but I ignored him. I couldn't deal with this now. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me or my feelings, but I felt rejected. And it hurt, a lot. I got into the elevator where I could try to pull myself back together. I managed to fight the tears back into my eyes before the doors opened and I got off. I hated how that bitch hung on Spencer's arm like she belonged there. She was using him to climb up the social ladder and to get into exclusive clubs.

I walked to the local café and got Garcia her coffee and a bagel. I got one for myself too, seeing how I didn't get breakfast earlier. I walked to the metro and then headed for Garcia's office after the ride. I needed to talk to someone. "Garcia?" I asked knocking on her door.

"Come in," she said. "Hello Allison what brings you here?" she asked.

"I brought you coffee and a bagel," I said handing it to her.

"Thanks," she said taking them. I didn't leave the room.

"Can I talk to you Garcia, woman to woman?" I asked.

"Sure sweetie, what is it? Are you pregers?" she asked.

I smiled slightly, "no nothing like that. It's about Janette, Spencer's girlfriend. Do you think he's happy with her?" I asked running my finger around the lip of my cup, watching my finger instead of looking at Garcia.

"Yeah I think so, he seems to be why?" Garcia asked.

"Because she's using him," I said. Before I could continue Garcia went off.

"That bitch! I will send her something to crash her computer!" Garcia said.

"Send it to her IPhone. I told Spencer what she was doing and he didn't believe me," I said.

"Give me her number and I'll crash her phone into a worm-whole. Oh god I just scared myself," Garcia said. I grabbed a napkin and a pen and started to write the number down. "I don't know why he wouldn't believe you. You've never lied to him before." Garcia said as I gave her the number.

"Some part of me says he doesn't believe me because he has such a hard time getting girls. I tell him every day that I love him. I mean it, I'm in love with him," I said.

"Oh honey!" Garcia said hugging me. "He'll see it soon enough. Guys can be stupid and are stupid. He is a genius but when it comes to women he's a little clueless," Garcia said.

"You don't say. Thanks Garcia, I needed this. Could this please stay between us?" I asked.

"Sure no problem sweetie and you're welcome," Garcia said.

"Thanks," I said.

Later that morning I had a conversation with Emily and JJ. "She's using him Allison," JJ said.

"He's going to get hurt," Emily said.

"I know, I've tried to tell him and I've told him that I love him. I tell him every day." I said. I had taken refuge in the bathroom, _again_. I didn't want to break down in front of the team. I was leaning on the bathroom sink with my back to Emily and JJ. Spencer was now in the habit of coming into work with Janette. I got up early and took an early metro ride to work. I didn't like seeing her with him. What she was doing was wrong. This time Emily and JJ followed me into the bathroom.

"Tell him again," JJ said.

"I tell him I love him every day," I repeated.

"Perhaps he doesn't understand how you love him," Emily said. I was willing to buy that. When I came out of the bathroom Spencer was at his desk, alone.

He looked so sad. I sat down on his desk facing him, "What's wrong Spencer?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said shaking his head, his voice was choked and shaky.

"Conference room," said Hotch walking by us. I gave Spencer a hug as he stood. Spencer hugged me back. It was spring break and I had two weeks off. I was going to go with the team. In the conference room he was withdrawn and he was that way on the plane as well.

"Hey Reid what's going on up there?" Derek asked. Then he started teasing him about his girlfriend.

"Hey Derek," I said then signaled for him to stop. Spencer was somewhere else; I stayed with him and tried to help.

Later in the police station when we landed, "Do you want to talk?" I asked Spencer as I put up more pins on the map.

"No," he said. His voice was so sad. He then read more locations off to me.

"If you change your mind you know where to find me," I said putting pins on the map at the locations he read off. I knew not to push.

When my last week of college came, which was full of final exams, what I had warned him of happened. Though I was sure it had happened after that conservation I had had with Emily and JJ. I came in the door as I usually did. Things seemed normal till I hung my coat up in the closet. Her coat wasn't there. I put my shoes by the tiny table where we kept our phones, keys, mail. Her shoes were gone. I set the Chinese food I had bought for dinner down on the table and started some coffee. I then took off my jacket and put it over the arm of the sofa. Her jacket was gone and when I had put my purse on the back of the kitchen chair, her's wasn't there. She was gone, but where was Spencer?

I headed towards his room. I knocked on the door, "Spencer, can I come in?" I could hear him crying, but he didn't answer. "Spencer?" I asked softly poking my head in the door. The first thing I noticed besides from him was that the waste basket was full of dirty Kleenexes. He was lying on his side, he wasn't looking at me. I sat down behind him.

"She left," he said. I put my hand on his arm and looked at his face. His face was tear stained and the tears were still coming and his eyes were blood shot.

"I'm sorry Spencer," I said softly.

"You were right. I should've listened to you," he said sadly. I lay down behind him and put my arm around his middle and rested my chin on his neck.

"Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault," I said comfortingly.

"She said she left because of you?" he said. It was a statement, but he said it as a question.

"Do you believe her?" I asked.

"I don't know, do you?" he asked me.

"I don't know if I believe her either Spence, but I will tell you what I do know." I said. He turned slightly so he could look at me. "I know she was screwing with both of us. She was using you to climb up the social ladder, get into exclusive clubs, and to hurt me. She saw that I was in love with you and that you liked her. So she exploited it. I was annoyed by her and saw what she was doing. I didn't expect her to keep it up for this long though." I said grabbing a Kleenex and dabbing at Spencer's nose for it had started to bleed. "I am still in love with you." I said answering the question he hadn't asked. "I always will love you, I always have," I said. He sat up and so did I, my hand that was around his middle fell to his hip. I remembered the conversation I had with Janette; I had really chewed her out. I had told her, "If you want to screw with me fine, but do it by not screwing with Spencer. You're going to hurt him and believe me, I'll be the first in line to pick up the pieces if you break his heart. You need to step away from the mirror long enough to check the damage that will always be right behind you."

"You never told me," he said. We were now eating the Chinese food I had brought home.

"I tell you I love you every day." I said.

"I didn't know you meant that way," he said frustrated. I reached my hand across the table. He took it.

"I'm a teenager, my messages may not always be very clear," I said. He nodded and then changed the subject.

"Don't you think I'm too old to date you?"

I smiled, "No, I don't, and nice try at rephrasing that question," I said. He was trying to say, "You're a minor. I shouldn't date you till you're 18." "I don't think anyone would mind. People think I'm 21. Besides, the law against dating a minor, and having sex with a minor doesn't define dating," I said. "I did minor in criminal justice and law," I added at the look on his face. Technically he couldn't date me till I was 18. But define dating. "Right now if people asked you could tell them you're a legal guardian taking their kid out for a treat," I said. "It wouldn't be a lie."

"They think that because of the way you carry yourself and the way you talk and act," he said. I just smiled. He was referring to the fact that people thought I was 21.

The next few weeks passed and I graduated. Spence had set up an interview for me with Hotch. I no longer saw the similarities between him and my abuser. He was a much kinder person. He protected his family, the way family is supposed to protect each other. I also no longer saw my abuser in Morgan. He was great to hang out with if you needed a laugh. Though some of the jokes he played on people were more cruel than funny. By the time the interview had come around I had turned 17. Right now life was great, I had a boyfriend, which I was informally dating till I was 18 and I would possibly be getting a job today.

Hotch asked me all sorts of things, but ultimately I couldn't have the position till I was 18. But he made an exception, almost. I would work there for a year; till I was 18 and if I was any help to the team I would have the job. I wouldn't get paid much, but I didn't care. I thanked him feverishly. It was a few days though before a case came in. My pay check would increase when I turned 18, if I got the job.

The night before we got the case; Spencer was restless. I got up and poked my head in the door. He was asleep, but he was yelling, and moving as though he was trying to fight someone off. I came over next to him and sat in front of him. I grabbed his shoulders and shook him as I said, "Spencer, Spencer wake up." I tried a few times and I ended up having to yell at him to wake him up. When he did wake up his breathing was panicked. He was grabbing ahold of my arms and shoulders trying to push away from me. "Relax Spencer, you were dreaming," I said softly trying to calm him down. He sat up and nodded.

"About the time I was kidnapped," he said in a hoarse voice. I pulled him into a hug.

I remembered that case. When he had gone missing Garcia had called me. I had met her at some kind of computer convention. We made friends. When she called me I left right away. I didn't care if I missed my entire summer break; I had to find Spencer. I found the farm house with no trouble. The team was inside looking through BOOKS! "I'm going to go find him," I had told them. I didn't care how big of an area this place was, or that I was 12 years old.

"You don't know where to start looking nor do we," said Hotch.

"Well I'm not just going to hang around here. I just need one thing from you, can you show me on a map where the poaching has taken place." It was a question but I said it as a demand. Garcia showed me. "Thank you, you can track me through my cell phone," I said. Then I ran out the door and down the highway. I ran to the 17 mile radius area that I had been shown on the map. It was a long run. I ran from the farm house in the country and into the city and down the highway and back into the country. I was glad that I was in track. I had been conditioned as a long distance runner. Once I reached the area I had been shown I could smell something burning so I followed my nose. I saw a cabin and a man came out of it and got into a truck.

I ran to the cabin when the truck was out of hearing range. The cabin door wasn't locked. Inside I found Spencer chained and beaten. He looked back at the door as he had heard it open. "Allison!" he said shocked.

I ran over to him and wrapped my arms around him, "Let's get you out of here." I said getting to work on picking the lock on the hand cuffs. I was relieved that he was alive. The team showed up what I thought was eight hours later; it was almost two days later. I had never gotten Spencer unchained. The unsub came back to quickly. He beat me and tried to rape me, but what was one more hurt to get over? I fought him and bit him. I had dug my teeth into the lowest part of his neck next to his shoulder. I hoped my teeth and his struggling would tear an artery. He tried to get me off of him, unsuccessfully. He eventually did get me off of him with a lot of strain, which caused strained muscles and a bleeding shoulder. He beat Spencer some more and eventually threw his chair to the ground which sent him into a grand mal seizure. I had tried to get up to help Spencer but I received a boot to the nose. When the unsub was gone I started CPR. "Don't you give up now Spencer!" I said forcefully. The team did show up, when Spencer and I were digging our grave. The drugs Spencer had been shot up with he got addicted too. He had to go to NA, and for the program I was his buddy.

Spencer's voice brought me back to the present. "Please, stay with me tonight," he said.

"Of course," I replied. I lay down on the bed and he settled himself against me. I wrapped my arms around him. The bed was tiny; I was gratefully that both of us were slender. It made the cramped space less uncomfortable.

I knew how disturbing night mares could be. I had quite a few, they were horribly unpleasant. There were times when I had awakened Spencer because I was pacing in the living room. I couldn't go back to sleep after I had one. I was usually sobbing as I paced. Pacing was a way for me to calm myself down. Spencer would usually wait a few minutes before he came to check on me. I was easier to talk to after I had calmed myself down a bit. I didn't think about my past long. I knew it didn't help me to think about it. I fell asleep rather quickly. I was looking forward to work tomorrow. My first day.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

In the morning I woke up to the alarm going off. Spencer turned it off and rolled over to look at me. "Good morning gorgeous," I said looking at him.

"Morning," he replied. One of my arms was pinned underneath him and I couldn't feel it. I wasn't bothered by it.

"Want do you want for breakfast?" I asked. I knew I was more of the guest, and guests usually didn't cook for the host, but I had kind of moved in. He didn't seem bothered that I did most of the cooking.

"Whatever you can whip up," he said. I knew he wasn't a big fan of extravagance. So I made bacon and eggs and biscuits. I also put on a pot of coffee. After breakfast it was time to shower.

"You can go first Spence, I need to figure out what I'm wearing today," I said. He didn't argue. I was looking through the stuff in my bag and the stuff I had hung up in Spencer's room. I pulled out a pair of black dress pants. I was looking through my shirts as Spencer came in. I pulled out an off white-cream colored one with a black ribbon at the waist that went all the way around. It was just a black band that was about 2 inches thick. The whole thing was made from silk. This shirt hung off my shoulders, exposing a lot of skin and was long sleeved. It took me forever to make enough money to buy it. I left the room and picked up my bra and black wedge shoes. I then headed to the bathroom were the rest of my stuff was. I took a quick shower and brushed my hair and teeth. After that was done I was able to blow dry my hair so I wouldn't get my clothes wet. After my hair was dry I got dressed and flat ironed my hair and put make-up on.

I came out of the bathroom and headed to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. Spencer was pouring himself another cup as well. "You look good Doc," I said. He was wearing the sweater and the tie I had gotten him for Christmas. He had gotten me a heart shaped necklace that was lined with gold and red and white alternating stones. It took me a while to figure out it was real. I couldn't thank him enough. Real gold and real diamonds, wow! I almost never took it off. He turned to look at me as I slid by him to get some coffee. He was staring at me as I took a sip, "Am I dressed inappropriately for the office?" I asked. He continued staring at me. I laughed. "Hey, boy genius, am I dressed inappropriately for the office?" I asked trying to keep a straight face.

"Oh, yeah. You look great," he said. Then he started rambling, I put my hand on his arm to stop him.

"I know what you meant, thanks," I said. After another cup of coffee, we packed our things and I grabbed my purse and a bag of clothes just in case. "What do you think is on the menu for today at the B.A.U?" I asked.

"Really bad coffee," Spencer replied.

I started laughing, after I had gotten control of myself I said, "I meant case wise."

"Oh," Spencer said embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it Spencer, and sorry for laughing. I thought you were making a joke." I said.

His face was still bright red; I gave him the most apologetic smile I was capable of. As he was parking he smiled slightly back at me, "You're forgiven," he said.

"Thanks," I said. We both headed up to the office where we were quickly ushered into the conference room.

"There was a kidnapping early this morning. Our victim has been missing for 5 hours already," JJ said coming into the room at a brisk walk and pressing a button on a remote and brining pictures up on a screen for us to see. "Her name is Lindsey Atwater; she went missing from her gated community home around 4:30 a.m." JJ said.

"Kidnapping from a gated community, that's bold," I said from a table in the back that I was sitting on.

"If she went missing from a gated community, he's likely from that community as well. They could still be there," Morgan said.

"Looks like we're going to Seattle, wheels up in 20," Hotch said. I was glad I had packed a go bag. On the plane Spencer rambled off the statics about kidnapping.

"44% die in the first hour, 99% die in the first 24 hours, 74% of children kidnapped don't live passed the first hour, and 75% die in the first 3 hours. Kidnapping by a relative of the victim also known as family kidnapping make up 49% of the kidnappings each year. Kidnapping by an acquaintance of the victim also known as acquaintance kidnapping make up 27% of the kidnappings each year, and kidnapping by a stranger to the victim also known as stranger kidnapping makes up for 24% of kidnappings each year." Spencer said.

"Family kidnapping is committed primarily by the parents, and involves a larger percentage of female perpetrators than other types of kidnapping offenses, 43% to be exact. Other types of kidnapping offenses, occur more frequently to children under the age of 6, equally victimize juveniles of both sexes, and most often originate in the home. Acquaintance kidnapping has features that suggest it should not be lumped with stranger kidnapping into the single category of non-family kidnapping, as has been done in the past. Acquaintance kidnapping involves a comparatively high percentage of juvenile perpetrators, and has the largest percentage of female and teenage victims, is more often associated with other crimes especially sexual and physical assault, which occurs at homes and residences, and has the highest percentage of injured victims. Stranger kidnapping victimizes more females than males, occurs primarily at outdoor locations, and victimizes both teenagers and school-age children, is associated with sexual assaults in the case of girl victims and robberies in the case of boy victims although not exclusively so, and is the type of kidnapping most likely to involve the use of a firearm." I said rather quickly rattling facts off like Spencer did.

"Shit girl, you are like Reid," Morgan said.

"Who are you like?" I asked. Spencer was fighting a smile as the plane took off.

"How old is Lindsey?" Rossi asked.

"8," JJ answered.

"Poor kid is probably scared out of her mind," I said.

"Do you have any profiling experience?" Hotch asked.

I looked up at him, "Yes, I took the classes and worked in a physiatric hospital. You can profile some interesting things there." I replied.

We finally arrived in Seattle. My God was it wet. I went to talk to the family of the missing girl while Spencer started a geographic profile. While Hotch and I were talking to the family the rest of the team was either looking at the little girl's room or talking to friends of the family. After talking to the family for a while I went to look at Lindsey's bedroom. It wasn't a typical 8 year Old's room. There were no toys, no clothes lying around, the walls were white and so was the bedding. The room was bare. Typical of a girl who hid from the world; not of an out-going normal 8 year old.

I headed back to the office, to share what I had learned. A few days later we found Lindsey, alive, just barely. I went to see her in the hospital, but first I stopped at the gift shop and got her a plush stuffed animal. It was a little cat. I then headed upstairs to her hospital room. Spencer was in there with her trying to get her to talk. She watched him, with interest, but never said a word. "Hi Lindsey, my name is Allison," I said coming to sit on the edge of the bed. "Can I talk with you?" I asked. Lindsey nodded. "I brought you a get well gift," I said handing her the bag. "Lindsey, can I ask you some questions about what happened to you?" I asked comfortingly.

She hugged the toy, "I guess you can," she said.

"Thanks Lindsey, do you know who took you?"

"No, but a new family moved in a few weeks ago. I never saw them. Just the moving vans and moving men bringing stuff into the house." She said.

"Has anyone ever threatened to hurt you in anyway before?" I asked. After our conservation I thanked her and left.

A few months later…

The team had just gotten back from a case in Canada. Then after a few hours of sleep had another. During that time I had been put on desk duty as an agent by Strauss. I was basically doing JJ's job, or at least helping her. I was a few states away, trying to get a victim settled in a new town and find the right new therapist for her. Her parents appreciated it. I was gone about three days. When I arrived home, Morgan picked me up at the airport. "Hi…Morgan," I said confused, "I thought Spencer was going to pick me up."

"There was a change of plans," Morgan said.

"Is Spencer all right?" I asked concerned.

"He will be, but I think I better let him tell you," Morgan said. Great, I thought. I was exhausted. I was half asleep in the passenger seat in the car before I realized Morgan was going the wrong way.

"This isn't the way to Spencer's apartment," I said.

"We've got to make a stop somewhere first," Morgan said pulling into the hospital parking lot.

"What exactly does Spencer need to tell me?" I asked.

"He was hoping I would help him out of trouble, I'm not going to so he gets to tell you all of this case and what happened," Morgan said.

"What is going on? What trouble is he in?" I demanded to know.

"Just bring your stuff and follow me," Morgan said. I sighed and got out of the SUV and followed Morgan to the entrance. We got onto an elevator and went to the 4th floor. He went up a few halls then turned right and went by about 10 rooms then turned left to the second to the end. Spencer was in the bed with his leg held up by slings suspended from the ceiling. "I didn't tell her anything Reid. I hope you swim instead of sink," Morgan said before he left.

Spencer looked at me guiltily, "You look tired," he said.

"Yeah, I am tired, but I'm going to try to understand what's going on here and I'm going to try to keep my cool, but as tired as I am, I can't make any promises," I said.

"JJ called us in with this urgent case where the unsub was going to keep killing a person a day till he put his son in danger. The boy's father is a doctor, a trauma surgeon. The unsub wanted to kill him actually, because he hadn't operated on his son who arrived at the hospital brain dead. The unsub signed the crime scenes LC," Spencer said. He was talking very fast. "He was waiting outside the doctor's house when he went to get his son from school and tried to shoot him and I knocked him out of the way and got shot in the knee and the unsub is alive, even though I had to shoot him," Spencer said very fast.

"And you thought I was going to be mad because you risked your life to save another's life?" I asked. Even though he had spoken about 50 words in 30 seconds, I understood him perfectly.

"No because I didn't call you as soon as I was wake from surgery, I didn't know how to tell you," Spencer said.

"Yeah that does annoy me, but I'm just glad that you're all right and still in one piece," I said.

"You aren't going to yell at me?" Spencer asked.

"Is that going to change anything?" I asked.

"No I guess not," Spencer replied.

"Just tell me next time, and if I'm in the hospital for whatever reason, I'll tell you," I said.

"Deal. I was just worried about how to tell you because of last time I was in the hospital," Spencer said.

I chuckled slightly, though there was nothing funny about that situation. "Spencer, you contracted anthrax, I was 11 and had just lost my dad. You were my only friend at the time; I was scared out of my mind. I didn't know what to do, I still wouldn't know what to do if I lost you," I said. He nodded and soon both of us were asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Just a few days before I turned 18 I was told that I had gotten the job. The rest of the day didn't go so great. We got a pretty nasty case. It was a case where a guy had killed 28 women, 56 men and molested and killed 45 children. With the women he would cut them and heal their wounds, only to hurt them again, he would tear their muscles and tendons too. 129 people dead that we knew of. I mean my god. I didn't understand how people could torture each other.

On the case I found the unsub. I knew my team was on the way, and so was back up. "What is this Fredricks?" I asked.

I could hear Spencer calling for me, "Allison! Allison!" I didn't answer, I didn't want the unsub to know that was my name. A small power over of the unsub.

"Are you too afraid to go after a woman when there's help on the way? That's what I figured, you're a coward," I said shouting the last three words so hopefully my team could find me. The unsub ran at me with his gun out and I ran towards him. Both of us started screaming. It was some sort of territorial standoff and I was showing him that I wasn't going to back down. I only started screaming when he did. I hoped that my team would hear us. I then heard 15 gun shots ring out. I stopped running and looked down at my abdomen and stomach. I was bleeding. I don't know if I was shot 15 times or the unsub had been shot a few times as well. I saw the ground coming closer to my face as I heard a thud of two bodies hit the pavement. I assumed Derek had tackled Fredricks.

Then I heard someone screaming, "Allison! Allison! Come on stay with me! Hang on Allison! Help is coming!" I could see Spencer above me but my vision was blurred and everything behind him was a bright light. Everything he had just yelled at me sounded like he was thousands of miles away. I was only somewhat aware of being lifted into an ambulance. Then I was out.

I don't know what I was seeing or where I was but I was surrounded by a bright light. Then I heard a voice that was familiar and one that I hadn't heard since I was a little girl. "Hi honey."

I turned in the direction of the voice but I couldn't find its source. "Dad?" I asked still looking for him.

"Hey sweetie, I love you, but it isn't your time yet." My father's voice said. I continued looking for him.

"Is that why I can't see you dad?" I asked him. "Am I in the…in-between?" I asked for lack of better words.

"Yes sweetie, and you have a choice to make. You can choose to fight and go back to life or you can let go. It's up to you," Dad said.

"If I choose the former, will I see you again, someday Dad?" I asked. I wouldn't leave the life I had created for myself. I had friends and I hadn't gotten to where I was now alone. My friends had helped me. If I died now all their efforts would be for nothing. It would feel that way to me anyway.

"Of course you will honey. I'll be here waiting, when it's time," Dad said. That's what I needed to know.

"I'll see you then Dad. I have to go back," I said.

"I know honey. Your fight isn't over; I'll be waiting for you." Dad said. Then he and the bright light were gone and I felt something cold underneath me as I was being shocked. I slowly became aware of voices.

"She's back. Find the bleeder, fix it and close her up." I don't know who was talking but I knew it was how doctors talked. It wasn't long before I was unconscious again.

Spencer's point of view (will be told in third person)

The girl he had come to know and love was rushed into the OR. The doctors had told him her condition was grave. If she survived she would be incredibly lucky. He paced in the waiting room, anxious, nervous, and scared out of his mind for someone else that he was extremely close too and loved. The rest of the team sat and watched him pace. They were frozen. The young doctor was trying not to think about the worst that could happen. His friend was a fighter. She had lived through a lot already for as young as she was.

She had come to find him when he had been…kidnapped. He shuddered at the memory. She had to make it, he thought with resolve. About 5 hours later the operator came out to talk to the girls' team. "She's going to be all right. She has to stay here for a while. She's in the CCU, and we need to get hold of her parents." The surgeon said. The young worried doctor stepped up, "She doesn't have any parents; I'm her legal guardian." The surgeon handed him some forms, "We need some basic information so we know if she's allergic to anything," the surgeon said.

The young handsome man filled them out quickly, "May I see her?" he asked. The surgeon nodded and walked away and the young man followed.

The girl that he loved was unconscious on a hospital bed, wearing a paper robe with cotton blankets on her. She was hooked up to an IV and was getting a blood transfusion and IV fluids. There was also a big box with buttons on it which he knew was controlling how much morphine she got. The surgeon that had brought him unlocked the box that was hanging on the IV pole and upped her morphine, a lot.

The handsome young doctor settled himself into a chair which he had pulled up next to the bed so he could put his folded arms on the bed and then rest his head on his arms. The doctors had told him that all of her organs had been repaired, reattached, patched up or replaced; the ones that needed it anyway. They had also told him that the only reason she was alive is because she fought, she had something worth fighting for. She had a reason to live, and it was worth fighting for. The young doctor silently cried himself to sleep, glad that his best friend was alive and hoped she would make it through the night. That was the real test before her now.

Allison's point of view (first person)

When I awoke I was attached to all sorts of IVs and a heart monitor. I looked at the clock, it said was 5:00 but it didn't indicate whether it was morning or night. I looked out the window from the bed I was in. It was dark, so it was morning. Then I noticed Spencer. God, there were a lot of drugs in my system; I hadn't even noticed him there. Normally he would be the first thing that I noticed. Then I heard one of my favorite songs playing on a radio somewhere. _Keep Holding On_ by Avril Lavigne. I started to sing it as I ran a hand through Spencer's hair. It hurt to move; as soon as he looked up at me I dropped my arm.

It hurt too much to keep moving it. After I had finished the song I said, "There those beautiful brown eyes. Morning gorgeous."

"Oh Allison," he said relief coloring his voice as he wrapped his arms around me. I winced in pain slightly but hugged him back.

"You didn't think I would leave you, did you?" I asked playing with his hair. I was trying to be comforting. He smiled slightly.

"The doctors said the only reason you are still alive is because you had a reason to live, that was worth fighting for," Spencer said.

"I do have a reason to live, a reason to fight to stay alive." I said.

"What's the reason?" Spencer asked somewhat confused.

"Can you not guess?" I asked looking at him.

After a few minutes he said, "What you did was reckless," Spencer said.

"Yeah, I know. But knowing what we know about him, would you have let him get away? He killed 129 people that we know of Spencer." I said.

"I know Allison, but Hotch will fire you for pulling a stunt like that." Spencer replied. I looked down, "I would've probably done the same thing that you did," Spencer said.

Later that day the rest of the team came to see me. They all hugged me and told me what I did was stupid and reckless, but brilliant. A few hours later Strauss came in, she had the rest of the team leave. "You are an idiot," she said after they had left the room.

"Um," I said taking my sucker out of my mouth, "Is it my turn to say something negative about you?" I asked putting my bubble gum flavored sucker back into my mouth.

"You could've been killed," she said.

"Yeah, I know. I've heard that about six times already today. A serial killer is in jail," I said looking though a crossword puzzle. I knew the answer to this one but I wanted her to chill. "What's white, black, and read all over?" I asked making read sound like red.

"Excuse me?" Strauss asked.

"Cross word clue, and a bit of a joke," I said filling in the squares.

Several weeks later I was in physical therapy, but I was **_finally_** allowed to go home. A few weeks after I went home, which was Spencer's apartment; I got a really bad case. I was trying to help a victim of abuse. She had suffered a lot. Spencer and the team were on a case in Texas. I was curled up in a ball on his sofa, crying. What this girl had just talked about to me and went through made what I went through look like a picnic. When Spencer got home on the same day, I was still on the sofa. "Allison?" Spencer asked coming over to me, "What is it?" he asked.

"Bad case," I said. He grimaced slightly, "You too?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. I pulled him onto the sofa with me and I stretched out to make room for him. I wrapped my arms around him. "You must have had a really bad case, you usually have coffee and supper waiting," Spencer said.

"Your supper is in the fridge, I went to Subway." I said.

"And yours?" he asked.

"I'm not hungry," I said as he rolled over so he could look at my face. He reached out for the necklace he had given me and held it in his hand and looked at it. I was watching his eyes. "Do you want to talk about the case?" I asked. I started to play with the collar of his shirt.

"And you?" he asked.

"I would if I could Spencer. Being a counselor can suck. It means having to keep secrets. And I don't like keeping secrets, not from you," I said.

We did talk about the case he had just finished, but we didn't get to supper till late. The case had shaken him up. "Come here," I said softly leaning towards him. I just hoped I would be received well. He started to lean forward as well. I kissed him on the lips, intending to be comforting. He slowly kissed back as well. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed myself into him. God, being 18 was great. We started to roll around on the couch. At some point he picked me up. I was surprised at how strong he was. When we got to his room we stripped down to our underwear and jumped on the bed and started again. "I love you Spencer," I said kissing his lips, cheek, neck, and chest. It didn't take long for him to get my bra off.

Afterwards we ended up falling asleep. I woke up on his chest, and in his bed. He was out cold. I silently got up and grabbed his shirt off the floor and buttoned it. I went into the kitchen and made breakfast. I finished and came back to his bedroom and got into the bed just as the alarm went off. "Morning gorgeous," I said kissing him. "Breakfast is ready," I said kissing him again. He opened his eyes; then I said my other famous line, "There those beautiful brown eyes."

I kissed him a third time and he sat up, "What exactly did we do last night?" he asked.

"We had some fun, the kind of fun that Derek will give you hell for," I said. "Let's go get some breakfast," I said starting to kiss him again.

As we headed to the table Spencer said, "You know Rossi is going to hate this, the rule about team members, together he made."

"Ha, screw what Rossi says, technically I'm not a team member. I'm an FBI consultant, and I work for the FBI, not for him." I said starting to kiss his neck.

"Um, I love you," Spencer said kissing me and pulling me into his lap as he sat. It took us a long time to get ready for work. We had a hard time keeping our hands off of each other.

When we finally did get to work, Morgan asked, "Late night?"

"Oh yeah we watched _AFV_ and _Dharma and Greg_ all night long," I said my voice thick with sarcasm and somehow it also had a serious note. I had been called in because there was a victim in the hospital. She was a sole survivor of a traumatic experience. We needed to find the unsub, to stop him before he did this again. That case seemed to last forever. The girl in the hospital was very reluctant to talk to anyone, about anything.

After the case we ended up going to the local bar. Somehow Morgan convinced Spencer to try some jello shots. Well Spencer ended up drinking a lot of them. That went south, Spencer ended up getting sick. I grabbed a garbage bag and gave it to him and pulled the car keys out of his pocket and put my arm around him and led him out. Morgan followed. I got Spencer to the car and got him in the passenger seat. I rolled down his window by about 3 inches then put his seat belt on. "I'm sorry kid. What can I do to help?" Morgan asked.

"You want to help Derek go get some pedialyte, saltine crackers and ginger ale," I said walking around to the driver's side. "Bring them to his apartment," I said starting the engine and rolling down my window half way and driving back to his apartment. He didn't even argue about me driving. I was 18, so I couldn't drink. I had my license so I could drive. He had his forehead against the cold glass and was hanging onto the garbage bag. It was the dead of winter and we had the car windows down.

"I'm sorry that I ruined your evening," he whispered before he threw up again. He then leaned against the window again. I put my hand at the back of his head under his hair and bent my fingers at the knuckles and unbent them a few times, kind of massaging the nape of his neck.

I looked at him sadly, "You didn't ruin it," I said. I looked back at the road and put my hand back on the wheel. Going to the bar wasn't exactly my thing anyway. I'd rather sit and re-watch Star-Trek again. I went because Spencer's team insisted he go and he wanted me to come with him to make it more bearable. Besides when I was with Spencer I could not have fun, I enjoyed his company, I thought he was funny; I just had fun when I was around him. It was kind of fun to dance at the bar. Once in a while I could convince Spencer to dance with me. When we got to his apartment I rolled up my window and turned the engine off and got out and went to his side. I rolled his window up and undid his seat belt. He turned so both feet were on the ground and I put my arm around his waist and I grabbed his wrist with my other hand. I kicked the door shut after locking it. I got him to his apartment and unlocked the door and took him to the bathroom. I took the garbage bag from him. I kissed him on top of the head, "I'll be right back," I said.

I went outside to the dumpster and tied the bag off and dropped it in. I was heading up the stairs to his apartment when I met Morgan standing at the door. He gave me the bag, "I also got some chicken noddle soup. How's he doing?" he asked.

"He's still sick. He's going to need some time off, and so am I. Thanks for the soup and other groceries," I said heading in. I set the bag down on the table and headed back to the bathroom. He was still puking. I knelt down beside him and took off his sweater and tie. I got a wet wash cloth and wiped his mouth and started pulling off his sweater vest.

"No," he said but too weak to fight me.

"You are starting to get a fever; you need to take off your sweater vest too." I said. He tried to fight me unsuccessfully as I pulled the sweater over his head. "You think I want to play grab ass?" I asked.

He looked at me for a few minutes then shook his head and panted, "No."

At some point in the night there was nothing left for him to throw up. I brought him a glass of ginger ale and a glass of pedialyte. He drank them, slowly. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight or would you rather I sleep on the couch?" I asked.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"Do you want to sleep in here by yourself or do you want me to stay?" I asked.

"Why ask?" he asked.

"Because sometimes when I feel like crap I don't want anyone near me and I don't want anyone to touch me," I said. He nodded, it made sense to him.

"I'd prefer you stay," he said.

"All right," I said rubbing his back, "Tell me if you need anything, anything at all. Feel free to wake me up if you must." I said.

"All right," he said. I doubted he would wake me up. He usually only did that when I was having a night mare if I wasn't already awake. I didn't sleep much that night. It wasn't because he was awaking me up. It was because I was worried about him. I sat up reading a book with a pen flashlight. I just read, for about six hours straight, before I fell asleep. A few hours later I woke up to make breakfast. It was just some scrambled eggs and toast. And ginger ale, with saltine crackers. Before Spencer got up I downed a whole pot of coffee. I was still groggy. I soon brought the food into Spencer's room on trays. He was just starting to wake up.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Like I've been kicked in the head by a horse and hit by a train," he said.

"That's a night of drinking for you," I said. I passed him his tray and sat down with mine.

"Is there coffee?" He asked.

"If you can keep your breakfast down, I'll make you some coffee. I don't want it to upset your stomach," I said starting to eat my scrambled eggs.

He didn't argue, I guess he knew it would be pointless. About 90 minutes after breakfast I gave him a cup of coffee and some medication for his headache. He tried to argue, "Spencer, its Excedrin, not a narcotic. It will take care of your headache and the ache in your muscles." I said. He tried to argue some more. "I wouldn't give you a narcotic." He took the two pills out of my hand and took them. It wasn't long before he fell asleep. I carefully took the book he had been reading out of his hands and laid him down on the sofa, and lifted his legs up on to the sofa. I put a blanket over him and turned off the lamp over his head. I then settled into the recliner and fell asleep. It was late evening when I woke up; Spencer was still sound asleep breathing deeply.

I started supper and made some coffee. I made the soup Morgan had brought over. When I had supper finished I knelt down in front of Spencer and ran my hand from his head to his shoulder a few times. "Spencer, how are you feeling?" I asked. He slowly started to wake up.

"What?" he mumbled.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as he sat up.

"Like I'm recovering from the flu," He answered.

"I'll bring you some soup," I said getting up and going to the kitchen. I filled two bowls and got some crackers and hot tea. I put them on the two trays we had used this morning and brought it in to the living room. I set his tray down in front of him on the coffee table. I sat mine down next to his as I sat down beside him. I brushed his hair behind his ears.

"What the doctors said, about you having a reason to live. You asked me if I couldn't guess, what did you mean by that?" Spencer asked. He wasn't looking at me; he was staring at some point in the distance.

"I meant you Spencer. When my mother had her boyfriend, I had every reason to want to kill myself. She had him a few years before my father died. Then one day I met you. You showed me there was another way to live, a way that was based on love and friendship. That the world I was living in wasn't the only one that existed and that wasn't how everyone did things. You gave me a reason to live, to fight. You are my best friend, and when I was in high school my only friend. I owe you everything for showing me how life can be and how it should be," I said.

He looked at me, "I did all of that?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. He wrapped his arms around me. I embraced him, tightly. We then had our supper. "Are you feeling any better?" I asked Spencer after he eaten. He didn't eat a lot when he was sick. I usually insisted that he tried to eat unless he knew he was going to throw it back up.

"A little bit better, my head doesn't hurt as much as it did earlier, neither does the rest of my body," he said.

"That's good," I said washing the dishes. Later that night both us ended up falling asleep on the sofa watching Star-trek.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

About three days later both of us went back to work. We were in agreement, no more alcoholic beverages, for either of us, especially for me when I turned 21. That was an experience neither of us wanted to go through again. I was at the hospital today. I was interviewing several girls who had been kidnapped and raped. The person who had done this to them was still out there. The things they told me sent chills to my bones. When it was lunch time I went to the capitano machine and got some coffee with all sorts of sugar and other crap in it. I went to the vending machine in hopes of finding something decent or at least half decent to eat. Spencer then showed up. "I hope you weren't planning to eat from that that junk box," Spencer said.

"I don't want to eat from that _junk box_ but in a hospital there aren't a lot of choices." I said.

"I brought subway," Spencer said holding up two sandwiches.

"Bless you," I said.

That case lasted months. It was horrible, what happened to those young girls. I was glad to go home. I liked Spencer's little apartment. It was cozy, safe. It had that feeling a home had, that place you long for when you've been away from it for a while. That night I was staying up late. I was making a surprise for Spencer's birthday the next day. I had just finished putting things together around midnight when I heard Spencer screaming for me. I ran to his room and opened his door. He was asleep. "Allison! Allison! Get it off of me! Allison!" He screamed.

I put my knee down next to him and stood on my other leg; I put my hands on his shoulders. "Spencer! Spencer wake up!" I said shaking him.

He woke up and looked at me, "Allison?" he asked his voice cracking.

"I'm right here Spencer," I said brushing his hair out of his face then wiping away his tears. I sat down on my leg, letting the other one dangle off the side of the bed.

"Allison?" Spencer asked his voice shaking like before. He slowly sat up. He wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back.

I rubbed his back, "Ssshhh Spencer, you were dreaming," I said lying down and slipping under the covers and pulling him onto my chest. He had one arm under my neck and his other hand was holding on to my shoulder furthest from him. He held me rather tightly. I kept my arms around him, "I'm right here Spencer, I'm not going anywhere," I said. I hoped I was doing the right thing. I didn't know how good I was at comforting people. At some point he fell asleep on my chest and I fell asleep too. I was curious as to what he wanted me to get off of him.

I awoke the next morning to the phone ringing. I answered it, "Dr. Allison Rivers," I said.

"Hello, this is Dr. Lora. Is Dr. Reid there?" she asked in a pleasant voice that was sad.

"He is, but he isn't awake yet. May I ask what this is about?" I replied.

"Are you family?" she asked.

"Not by blood, but yes," I replied. We had been dating for little over a year now and he had been my legal guardian. He was my family.

"It's his mother, she's very ill. We don't know how much longer she has. He should come and see her," the young lady said.

"Oh god," I said.

Spencer then woke up, "What is it?" he asked.

"Your mother," I said quietly.

He took the phone from me saying, "What!"

"Dr. Reid, this is Dr. Lora. I'm calling about your mom," Dr. Lora said on the other line. I could only faintly hear what she was saying. I got behind Spencer and wrapped my arms around his chest and kissed his cheek.

"What about my mom? Is she all right?" Spencer asked putting his free hand on both of mine.

"No she isn't, it's not the schizophrenia, she is really sick and we don't know how long she has. You should come and see her," Dr. Lora said. His hand slowly fell away from his ear and he hung up.

"My mom," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry Spencer," I said hugging him tighter. After a few minutes I said, "I'll call Hotch."

"Thanks," Spencer said starting to put a bag together. As I was waiting for Hotch to answer his phone I grabbed my duffle bag from under the bed.

"Hotchner," Hotch answered.

"It's Allison. Spencer and I need some time off. Family emergency," I said throwing some clothes onto my bag which was resting on the bed.

"Take all the time you need," Hotch said.

"Thank you," I said hanging up.

"What did he say?" Spencer asked in a very sad voice.

"To take all the time we need," I said. I then dialed the number to the office I worked at. I needed to change the times some clients would be coming to see me. "Hi, Robby. I need you to rearrange my client schedule and have them all come see me this week next month. And if they need to see someone have them come see Teresa." I said throwing a few more things onto the bed. "Robby just do it, there's a family emergency." I said now stuffing the clothes into the duffle bag.

Robby replied, "You don't have any family."

"_Robby_, I have _told you_, Spencer is my family, therefore his family is also my family," I said sternly. Robby started to argue, "Do it Robby or I'll call _your_ boss!" I said hanging up. "Sorry about that," I said getting dressed and getting my iPhone and buying two plane tickets to Vegas. I went to the bathroom and used my bathroom things and packed them up. After my bag was packed I threw it on the sofa and made a pot of coffee and threw two microwave breakfast biscuits into the microwave and warmed them up.

"When does the plane leave?" Spencer asked. His voice was so sad, my heart ached for him.

"10:00," I said.

It was almost nine now, "It's a 45minute drive to the airport." Spencer said.

"I know Spencer," I said softly, "I know almost all the back roads. I can get us there in 35 minutes," I said. When I was younger I used to run around the town when I was waiting for him to come back from a case. I was restless when he was away. Garcia always called me when he was on his way home and I was never without protection in the streets.

I filled two coffee commuter cups and put sugar in Spencer's and I grabbed the biscuits from the microwave and walked toward him and gave him his coffee. "Are you all right Spencer?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said taking his coffee.

I put my arm around him, "I'm so sorry," I said.

"We should go," he said. I nodded and grabbed my bag and put the plate with the biscuits on top of my coffee cup and I grabbed the car keys from the table by the door and followed Spencer out.

Once at the car I threw my bag in the back seat and settled into the driver's seat. Spencer got in the passenger seat and I passed him a biscuit. He took it and ate it. I put mine in my mouth and pulled out of the parking lot. "What you said to Robby, my family is your family, did you mean it?" Spencer asked.

"Of course Spencer. You are my family, so is your family," I said.

Once on the plane Spencer said, "What do you think is going to happen?"

"I don't know Spencer." I said. It wasn't long before the plane lifted off the ground. Spencer pulled the blind down on the window and leaned his seat back. I leaned mine back as well. He rolled onto his side slightly and curled his arms in and put his head and shoulders on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and we both fell asleep. Some hours later we landed in Vegas. We got our bags and I walked to the parking lot.

"Where are you going?" Spencer asked.

"Rental car, I arranged for one to be waiting for us," I said. I stopped and waited for him to catch up with me. Once he did I put my arm around him.

"Thank you Allison, for coming with me," Spencer said.

"You're welcome Spencer," I said.

I drove both of us to the hospital and found a parking space. We got up to the front desk and Spencer tried to ask for his mother, but he couldn't speak. I wrapped my arm around his waist, "Diana Reid's room please," I said. We were directed to room 312 on the third floor. Spencer went straight to his mom.

"Mom," he said going over to her and hugging her. I smiled weakly, knowing it barely touched my eyes. It was kind of comical the amount of books she had on her bed, considering how small the bed was.

Diana hugged him back, "Spencer," she said. Her voice was weak and raspy. I noticed she had tubes going into her chest, where her lungs were and the tubes were pumping fluids out, keeping her from drowning. She was hooked up to IV fluids and IV medications of all kinds.

"Who's this? Is she the one you talk about in your letters?" Diana asked.

"Yes Mom, this is Allison," Spencer said.

I stepped forward and took her hand, "Nice to meet you Mrs. Reid," I said. A few minutes later Spencer was sitting next to her in the bed and she was reading to him. I decided to give them a moment and I headed down to the cafeteria. A little something to eat would be nice. About 20 minutes later I came back to her room. They were both asleep. I used my IPhone to take a picture and then put it away. I hadn't been in the room more than 5 minutes when she flat lined.

Doctors came in and I pulled Spencer off the bed so they could try to shock her heart back to sinus rhythm. They shocked her and tried CPR and many other things before they stopped. They had tried for 15 minutes. I was behind Spencer and when the doctors stopped I put my hands in the crook of his arms. I was holding him back. I had to do that too when the doctors were trying to restart her heart. He had been yelling, "Come on Mom! Wake up! Fight Mom! Mom Please, Mom come on, please wake up!" The whole time he was yelling, he was sobbing. When the doctors stopped he yelled, "Why are you stopping? Try again! You can't just stop!" I was holding him back and he was pulling against me.

"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing more we can do," the doctor said. Spencer started to sob harder as the doctor left the room. He almost fell a few times but caught himself.

"Ssshhh Spencer," I said. He turned around and started to pound on me and yell at me for holding him back. I let him pound on my collar bones and yell at me. I kept my arms around him and tried to pull him closer to me and he kept pulling away from me. Nurses came into the room because they saw him pounding on me, I held up my hand to signal them I was fine. At some point he threw himself into me. I held him tightly. The nurses left. He was too upset to tell the doctors what funeral home to send her to, so I stepped up. I didn't know her wishes, so I told them to wait and till Spencer and I figured out if she had wanted to buried or cremated. I drove us to the hotel I had called before we had left for Vegas. The whole entire drive I held Spencer's hand and rubbed my thumb against it.

When we got to our room I set our bags down and Spencer lay down on the bed sobbed. I lay down behind him and wrapped my arm around him. For supper I called a Pizza Hut and had them deliver a pizza and a two litter Dr. Pepper with two plastic cups and some napkins. I got a pepperoni pizza. Spencer didn't really eat that night and I didn't press either. Tomorrow we had to go to the funeral home. For the hotel room I asked for a king sized bed. That way if Spencer wanted he could sleep a distance away from me or next to me. We both fell asleep and I wasn't sure how close or far away he was from me but when I woke up he was tracing something on my collar bones with his finger. I looked down and saw black and blue bruises. I slipped my arm around his middle.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked in the saddest voice I had heard from him and he didn't look at me.

"No, you didn't," I said. There were bruises, but they didn't really hurt.

"We have to go to the funeral home today don't we?" Spencer asked.

"I'm afraid so," I said. He got up and went to the bathroom. I heard the shower running. I got up and brushed my teeth and my hair and pulled out the clothes I wanted to wear. Spencer then came out to get his clothes and I went into the bathroom and took a shower. Spencer came back in to get dressed.

"Some birth day this is turning out to be," Spencer said.

"I'm so sorry Spencer," I said. I had lost my father on my 10th birth day; I knew how it felt, to lose someone you loved on a day that was supposed to be happy. That was why I didn't celebrate my birth day and didn't let anyone else celebrate it either. At the funeral home we had her moved to D.C for the funeral and to be buried.

A few weeks later Spencer and I were still taking time off and he still wasn't eating very much. One day we were playing poker. I wheeled over to him. I took his cards out of his hands and turned his office desk chair to face me. "What's going on Spencer?" I asked.

"Nothing," Spencer said turning away from me and picking up his cards. He was such a bad liar.

"Spencer," I said turning him back toward me and putting his cards face down on the table again. "You are barely eating, you won't look me in the eye, and you are barely speaking to anyone. I know something is going on, please talk to me." I said.

"It's nothing Allison," he said.

"You are such a bad liar," I said. He looked down at my legs which were in casts. "I'm all in Spencer, please tell me," I said.

"That car accident was my fault. I shouldn't have been driving. I should have been more alert," Spencer said his voice starting to break.

"Oh, Spencer it wasn't your fault," I said taking his hands. He started to argue, "Should a, would a, could a," I said really fast when he started to argue. "You didn't decide for that other driver to go out and drive drunk, that was his choice, he paid the ultimate price. The accident was his fault." I said. In the accident Spencer had hurt his ankle, and both of my legs had broken, banging against the dash board. "What else is bothering you?" I asked. He didn't answer, "You can tell me anything Spencer," I said.

Very softly he said, "I'm now alone with my schizophrenia. When my …. Well I had her to talk to about it," he said. He hadn't been diagnosed with it, but there was a chance that he could have it.

I sighed, "You're not alone," I said not looking him in the eyes for a few seconds. It was time to reveal another secret. He looked at me quizzically and confused. "My mom and all the females on her side of the family have schizophrenia. If it is genetic, there's a very high chance that I have it. I've seen all sides of it. My aunt is the sweetest lady, she just lives inside her head and some of my family gets extremely violent when they are angry. People with schizophrenia don't scare me, what it can do to a person is what scares me." I said. I knew that it was believed that schizophrenia was genetic; at least there was a higher chance for having it if it ran in the family.

"It runs in your family too?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"I didn't know," he said.

"I never told anyone till now," I said.

"What do you mean people with schizophrenia don't scare you, but what it does to people scares you?" I lifted up my shirt slightly on my right side showing him a scar where my appendix had been. He leaned in so he could see it better and started to run his finger over it.

"My mother did that, she thought she was attacking one of her hallucinations. My appendix had to be removed," I said. I put my shirt down, "I wouldn't be surprised if that's what got her killed in prison," I said.

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked.

"She was probably talking to a delusion or a hallucination, and when she talked to whatever she's seeing she called them every dirty and fowl word you can think of. She said all kinds of things that I won't repeat trying to get them to leave her alone. An inmate probably thought she was talking to them and killed her," I said.

"I'm not alone," he said. I think he was talking to himself.

"You never have to be," I said.

"But how do we recognize the symptoms in ourselves?" he asked.

"I'll watch you for symptoms and you watch me," I said. He nodded and wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around him. A few weeks later the casts on my legs were removed. I was glad to have them off. The casts had really started to drive me insane. About two months after I had my casts removed I had a nightmare.

_I was running down the highway. I had to run 17 miles, to a cabin it turned out. I was grateful that I was in track. Once in the country again I could smell something burning. It smelled like flesh. About 20 minutes after I arrived a man came out of the cabin. He got into a tan small pickup truck and drove away. Once I could no longer hear the engine I ran towards the cabin. I was hoping I wouldn't find my worst nightmare. To my relief Spencer was alive, but badly beaten. "Allison!" he said shocked. I knew he hadn't been expecting me. I ran over to him and hugged him. "Let's get you out of here," I said starting to work on the locks. I __**had**__ to try to pick the locks of the hand cuffs he was wearing. I had been in the cabin only about 15 minutes when Spencer's captor came back. I had just finished picking one lock, I was so close. I wasn't the world's greatest lock smith. Whoever this man was, he picked me up by the front of my shirt and threw me across the room. I hit a very big round post that was part of the wall very hard. I then slid down the wall letting my breath out in a painful gasp. _

_I got my hands under my chest and pulled my feet under me so I was slightly crouched. I could tell there were hair line fractures to my ribs that had hit the wall. I threw myself forward running at this monster. He was playing Russian Roulette with Spencer. This had gone on far too long. I lunged at him flying off the ground. I got my hands on his shoulders and my toes into his jeans pockets. I had removed my socks and shoes. I then dug my teeth into his neck. I had dug my teeth into the lowest part of his neck next to his shoulder. I hoped_ _my teeth and his struggling would tear an artery. He tried to get me off of him, unsuccessfully at first. He eventually did get me off of him with a lot of effort which caused his muscles to become strained and sore and cause a bleeding shoulder. The second time he threw me against the wall I put my hand and foot against it to keep my chest from hitting it full force. My other hand and foot were on the floor. I started hissing and snarling like a cat or like a dog._

_He beat Spencer some more and eventually threw his chair to the ground which sent him into a grand mal seizure. I had tried to get up to help Spencer but I received a boot to the nose. That hurt, but I ignored the pain. I was also sure my wrist had been broken. When the unsub was gone I started_ _CPR_. _I couldn't give Spencer CPR otherwise, the unsub had to be out of the room. This fact made me panicked. "__**Don't you give up now Spencer!**__" I said forcefully. I ignored the pain in my wrist from giving him CPR, "__**Come on Spencer! Hang on! Don't you quit now! Come on! Don't give up Spencer!**__" I said giving him CPR and mouth to mouth. A few hours later the team showed up, Spencer and I were digging our grave._

"Allison! Allison! Wake up! You're dreaming! Allison, wake up!" Suddenly I felt something wet being thrown into my face.

I woke up, "What was that for?" I asked bewildered.

"You were screaming and yelling," Spencer said.

"Nightmare," I said. I sat up and wiped the water out of my face.

"May I ask?" he asked putting his arm around me.

"The cabin," I said. I knew I wouldn't have to say more than that, he would understand what my nightmare was about. But I didn't have it for the reasons he thought I did, I had that one because I thought I was going to lose him. The very thought of losing him scared me to death.

Spencer's point of view

Third person

Allison wrapped her arms around the handsome young doctor and buried her face in his neck. He too remembered that incident all too well. When the team had finally arrived the EMTs tried to load them into different ambulances. He had been fighting them, telling them he wouldn't go unless he was with her. The doctor knew he was being stubborn, stupid even, but didn't care. He knew it shouldn't matter if they rode in the same ambulance or not. She was sitting on the edge of the back of one of the ambulances and she saw the EMTs trying to load her best friend into an ambulance, unsuccessfully. She held her right arm to her chest, so that her wrist was placed in between her breasts. Her wrist must be injured the young doctor thought.

She came over to her friend, "What is it Spencer?" she asked.

"I want to ride in with you," he replied. She put her good arm around his waist holding him up and walked with him to the ambulance she had just been at.

"We're riding in together," she said.

"There's only room for one of you," one of the EMTs started.

"We're riding in together," she repeated calmly while her friend started to panic.

"There isn't room," the same EMT said.

"Then make room, I'll sit on the side bench. We _are_ riding in together," she said pulling her friend closer to her. The look she gave them, it was final. At the hospital her wrist received a brace. She stayed at the hospital with her friend and stayed with him during a few cases. Even one when the team thought there was a homeless man killing people and after Emily ̶ she and her friend left the shelter Emily was going on about how she had never seen him act this way. Spencer had said something about how the man that was killing people may be in the room that we were in at this minute and scared the poor woman working at the shelter.

As Emily came out of the shelter Spencer said, "There's a high percentage of mental illness among the homeless."

"What was that?" Emily asked.

"What was what?" Spencer asked.

"We just left that poor woman scared of everyone who walks in that shelter," Emily replied.

"Again until we catch this guy how's that a bad thing?" Spencer asked.

Emily asked, "What is the matter with you?"

"What do you mean what is the matter with me?" Spencer replied.

"I have never seen you act like this." Emily replied.

"Oh in all the months you've known me, you've never seen me act like this. No offense Emily, but you don't really know what you're talking about do you?" Spencer said walking off. Emily made to follow him but I stopped her.

"Let me talk to him," Allison said.

"What can you say to him, you're 12," Emily said.

"I don't have the typical childhood, excuse me. Spencer," Allison called after him. The young girl had known him for years and had never seen him act like this.

Allison came to talk to her friend. She told him the same thing that Derek did about empathy, letting it make him a better person; that his friend in New Orleans did about the drugs. She understood his PTSD, from being kidnapped.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

About 6 months later…

Allison's point of view

My mother's boyfriend had been in jail about 6 years now. I thought I had seen the last of him, so I was surprised when I was called in to the conference room by Hotch. If I was ever called in by the FBI Spencer called me and Hotch called my boss. I told him I would be right over, but he told me to stay where I was till he, Derek, and Spencer came to get me. I was confused; I didn't need body guards or escorts to get around town. I worked 2.5 blocks from their office. Derek came around the corner first with his gun out, then Hotch and Spencer bringing up the rear, and I was looking at three guns. "Am I on the most wanted list?" I asked with my hands up.

"Not ours," Hotch said. I was trying to think who the hell would want me, in a way that would cause me to need protection. Once in the SUV Hotch turned on the lights and the sirens and rushed back to the office.

"Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" I asked. No one answered. Once we were parked and outside of the car all three of them surrounded me, protecting me. This was starting to freak me out. In the conference room JJ and the rest of the team were looking at some photos and case files.

"There has been a whole string of murders since he's escaped, all of them moving across state lines, but we can't connect any of them to him," JJ said. I looked at the picture on the projection board. A female body with a deep russet tan, shoulder length black hair that was darker than the night sky, bright green eyes, about 18 years old, thin, athletic, beautiful, and in her stomach was carved Alli. She looked just like me. I was older than her, but we looked alike.

I felt my heart drop to my stomach and my stomach drop to my ankles. Theodore, he escaped. "Theodore Michael Clearwater escaped three days ago and since the power was down the security guards just found out. Right now authorities believe he is in Atlanta," JJ said. I walked out the door of the conference room and down the stairs, across the room and up some stairs. I could faintly hear Spencer telling the others to let him deal with this. Apparently they believed him because he was the only one that followed. I walked through a door that lead to the other B.A.U team offices and I walked through them heading for a cafeteria, hang out area. There was a back door there.

"Allison!" I heard Spencer call but I had already stepped outside and was heading for my secret hiding place. I heard the door open as I turned the corner, "Allison! Allison please talk to me," Spencer said. I knew I should talk to him, I had convinced him to talk to me, it was only fair if it was a two way street. Right now I just needed a minute. Soon I heard him running after me. I walked briskly-knowing I could out walk him if I wanted too-but not so much so that I would be out of his line of sight. Once at the park I climbed the outside of the equipment and got on top of the slide that was at least 60 feet off the ground. The low hanging tree branches completely hid me from anyone's sight. Spencer climbed on the inside of the equipment, a much safer place to climb, but much too small for people our height. "Allison, please," Spencer begged.

"I just need a minute Spencer." I said wiping tears away from my face. After about five minutes I said, "I know what those girls went through. I was them. They were his oracle. He was a leader of an occult. If he starts a new one, we are all in trouble. The way he leads, you kill their leader; they kill the killer of their leader and they appoint a new one. I was their oracle for 5 years Spencer. I got out, and that put a death sentence on my head. I was their god, a sex toy, a way for spirits to communicate with them, someone to have new drugs tested on. Those girls died a horrible death, but they were glad that the torture was over." I said.

"How come you didn't mention this before?" Spencer asked. I couldn't see him, but I could hear the horror in his voice.

"It would have brought the occult here and meant death for all who helped me and a very long torturous death for me. And probably those involved in helping me. I'm not afraid to die, I fear losing those closest to me because they are all I have. I cannot sentence them to death, but it is coming now, and I don't have much time to teach the ways they fight." I said. I knew we would have to abandon the FBI building if we wanted to live. Draw them to where we wanted to fight, somewhere where we would have the advantage. I knew I would have to face this fight alone. I also I knew I would have to find him, and I would have to go alone.

"Want does he want?" Spencer asked.

"Me, for himself, and death for the betrayal to the tribe as he calls it. The dude is delusional," I said. We walked back to the conference room. I told the rest of the team what I had told Spencer in the park.

"We have to leave this building?" JJ asked.

"Everyone in it has too, or they will meet a very long, painful, torturous death. If he comes here and finds it. We must leave now," I said.

"What kind of occult is it?" Emily asked.

"One that worships death and what they call evil spirits and they believe they can call those from beyond the grave to do their bidding. I must teach you their ways, if you stand a chance in this fight, and we must draw the fight to a location of our choosing, where we have the advantage," I said.

I then turned and walked away. "Where are you going?" Emily asked.

"All of you are coming with me, I must teach you in an extremely short amount of time, and then we must choose a location, because I am going to lead him there. I'll have to go to him alone to get him somewhere, but that plan might back fire, I might have to kill him and the occult" I said turning back around and walking away.

"You're going to what!" Spencer asked.

"Lure him here, there's a 50-50 chance my attempt will work or will be a total failure," I said still walking.

"We'll meet you at the car Allison," JJ said as Spencer started to protest. The team walked by me and Spencer leaving us there in the hall.

"No you're not Allison," Spencer said.

"This has to end Spencer. I can't live in fear because of him." I said. There was no agreement. It would be continued later. At an empty gym I worked tirelessly for 2 hours to teach them everything I knew about the occult. I told them absolutely everything. I taught them how they fought and the techniques they used. Then I went to Spencer's apartment and put some travel clothes, water, food, and first aid things into a back pack.

"Please don't do this," Spencer said sadly. I knew he was worried about me. I undid my necklace he had given to me for Christmas, five years ago, when I was 16. I set it down on the night side table; I knew if I found my mother's boyfriend he would destroy it. I was supposed to be his, in his mind anyways.

"I know you're worried Spencer, I appreciate your concern but he needs to be stopped. I'll be fine Spencer, I've learned 6 different kinds of material arts, plus the 40 they know and I'm carrying 2 hunting knives. I'll miss you till I return, I love you Spencer, so much." I said. He wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped my arms around him. I kissed him on the lips, "I will return Spencer," I said grabbing my bag. I had packed my metro card, an old college ID card, and a couple hundred bucks. I was wearing tennis shoes, jeans, a long sleeve button down shirt, and a leather vest. Travel clothes, I had also gathered things into my bag to keep warm if I was sleeping outside.

"I love you too," Spencer said his voice shaky.

"I will return, I promise," I said heading out the door before I changed my mind. I got on a metro ride to Georgia. I just hoped he was still in that area. I had hidden a tracer in my bag so Garcia and the team could watch me move across a map. 36 hours later I was in Georgia, I just needed to find a place to sleep. I used a pay-phone in the subway to call Spencer. I wanted to let him know that I had made it. The team said my calls could only last 30 seconds. After my call I went to find a place to hunker down, I couldn't search at night. I climbed up a 40 foot tall oak in a park and slept in a branch.

In the morning I combed through the city. I asked around, looking to see if anyone had seen him. Slowly I moved toward Florida. I found him on the boarder of Georgia. He wasn't alone, he had 150 followers with him, men, women, children; all ages, all races, and all body types. I hoped I wouldn't have to do what I did last time to get away. I knew this fight would be a bad one, if I couldn't lead him to Quantico. "Theodore!" I called. He turned, "I heard you were looking for me you sick son of a bitch," I said. He took a stance, "Do they know what you did to me? Do they know you like little girls? I bet you're sleeping and having sex with all the girls in occult," I said. I heard a few women gasp.

"She's lying! Don't listen to her!" Theodore yelled trying to regain control.

"Explain this then," I said showing him and his group a scar on my left side that ran from my belly button to my hip. "I got pregnant from you bustard at 13 years old, I had an abortion. A 13 year old has no business raising a child," I yelled putting my shirt down.

"You bitch, you killed my child!" he screamed.

"You killed my childhood!" I shot back. Then the fighting broke out. I threw my back pack on the ground and started to fight him.

"Let me deal with her, I've waited a long time for this," he commanded his followers. I tried taunts to get him to come to Quantico, where the playing field would be even. It didn't work; nothing I tried would get him to come to Quantico. After about an hour of fighting, he was dead and I had minor wounds.

"One at time, who's next?" I asked. One by one I killed the men because they were the ones that were trained to fight. Then the teenage boys who were in training were sent in. I killed them to, I didn't set out to kill them, but it was clear I wasn't going to be able to lead them to Quantico and I wasn't going home till I defeated them. Then the teenage girls were sent in. By now my wounds were more serious and I could feel my strength fading. Then the mothers came after me. I was such a horrible person, I was no better than they were; I was a killer. By the time there was no one left to fight I had a collapsed lung, a punctured artery and a slice across my abdomen. I was going to die, unless help found me very shortly. I managed to get my phone out of my bag and call the team. In a very weak and raspy voice I told them where I was and what had happened. They dispatched an ambulance and they got on their jet.

I was sent to the hospital and patched up. Incredibly I lived. I don't know how long I was out, I just knew I had been fighting the darkness, not letting it over whelm me or crush me; I had to keep my head above the surface. I won that fight. I woke and found Spencer in my room, asleep on a sofa. There was a doctor in the room and he told me that because of the tube in my throat I couldn't talk. I used sign language to ask him to get Spencer, "I don't understand you," he said. I wrote on a white board instead.

He woke Spencer and he sat up, "What's wrong? What's happened?" Spencer asked.

"Nothing, she's fine." The doctor assured him. He looked confused; he must have asked the doctor to wake him if my condition changed. I guess exhaustion over whelmed him. "She's asking for you," the doctor said. Spencer looked at me and I smiled weakly and half-heartedly. I knew the smile didn't reach my eyes at all or the rest of my face. The doctor left the room and Spencer sat on the edge of the bed.

"How are you Allison?" he asked.

"In pain and I feel horrible for what I did," I signed.

"It wasn't your fault," Spencer signed back and said it aloud in case he signed wrong. I had taught him, but once in a while he used the wrong sign for a word.

"Explain that to me. I provoked him, taunted him. I caused the fight that ended 150 lives Spencer. Tell me how it isn't my fault," I signed back annoyed.

"He attacked you first. He chose to attack you, it was self-defense," Spencer signed.

"I had to destroy half of his occult before Spencer. So that I could get away, to come live in Quantico with you. I can be considered a serial killer," I signed. I was starting to cry.

"How many the first time?" Spencer asked me by signing.

I started to sob as I signed, "57." Spencer moved so he was sitting closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I sat up just enough to get my arms around him and I put my face into his chest. It hurt to move. I was only half aware of Hotch and Rossi standing in the door way of my room, and then they left. I held on to Spencer and just sobbed. I felt like I should be punished for what I had done.

At some point I fell asleep on Spencer's chest. The sound of his breathing and his heart beat was so calming. A few days later when the tube was taken out of my throat I was able to talk. The tube had been keeping my lung from collapsing. About a week later I was allowed to go home. I was talking to Hotch and Spencer. I knew I should pay for my crime, but since it was self-defense and I was in the FBI there was no need for a trial, just an investigation, I was cleared.

Spencer signed to me, "Allison, you won, he can't hurt you anymore. You're here, he's not."

Hotch was looking at the both of us, "It doesn't feel like I won," I signed back.

"Explain," Spencer signed.

"A life lost is never a win. Yes I survived the injuries he gave me, but that doesn't mean I won." I signed.

"Can you explain further on that?" Spencer signed.

"E-L-L-E," I signed. The look on his face told me he was still confused. "She was shot by an unsub, yes she lived, but where is she now? She was in a questionable shooting and she left the FBI and she started drinking. She wasn't able to deal with the damage done Spencer," I signed.

"What about you?" Spencer signed.

"I don't know Spencer, time will tell I guess. I just know I can't do it alone," I signed back.

"I'll do whatever I can to help you," Spencer signed back then helping me gather my stuff. Hotch had been watching the two of us sign back and forth. Time passed, I healed slowly. I wasn't the same person. I did get past the event without getting myself into trouble.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

We got a case, a really bad one; the night before Spencer and I had gone out. We went to see Star-Trek in the theater and then went to dinner. We talked about how last week he had worn a costume into the office; he had a hangman's noose around his neck, rubber hands on his hands, a mask on and a paper bag in his hands. He snuck up on Morgan and said, "I'm going to eat you." Morgan jumped. Emily and I started laughing. He threw a rubber head at Emily and a piece of candy. I thought it was hysterical, Morgan not so much. I caught the piece of candy he threw at me. I got in a few minutes before he did. He and I also had this silly game we liked to play. He would ride the metro into work and I would run on the side walk, racing the metro, to see who could get to the office first. I won those races a lot. I was a former track athlete. I loved to run and I was fast, I knew all the short cuts through the city to. My speed was the reason I was able to find him and run the 17 mile distance so quickly and easily. I was there at the office early today because I had a patient to see. After that case the team was giving candy to kids outside of an unsub's house. It was Halloween.

I woke up in some kind of cabin. It was only a one room cabin, but it was almost big enough to be two small rooms. On one far wall where I was, I was tied and on a bed. Spencer was on another bed against the wall directly across from me. I tried to get up to go to Spencer and found my wrists were duct taped together and tied to the head board, same with my ankles, except they were tied to the foot board. "Spencer, are you all right?" I asked quietly.

He didn't answer. Soon a tall, muscular man came in. He started a fire in the wood stove. I carefully watched this man, the way he moved was familiar. When he turned to look at me by the light of the fire and the fading light coming in the bay window, I saw his face. I recognized him. He was a friend of Theodore's. This man had raped me before and he was known to rape men, as well as women. I couldn't help but think, "You better not touch Spencer." He looked at me with what I can only describe as lust. Then he walked over to Spencer, my heart stopped beating for one whole minute.

Spencer had been through a lot, as a kid he was he picked on in school in the worst ways imaginable and unimaginable and he had already been kidnapped, and from that he suffered a short drug addiction. He didn't need to deal with being raped too. That was one of the most horrible experiences to live through. He turned Spencer over, "You're going to want to see this," he said.

"Don't touch her!" Spencer said starting to come to.

"I could touch you," Max Jesse Carlisle said.

I said, "Non si tocca lui! Se avete intenzione di toccare qualcuno, mi tocco. Basta avere la decenza di usare un preservativo maledetto." It was Italian for "Don't you touch him! If you're going to touch somebody, touch me. Just have the decency to use a damn condom." I didn't want Spencer to know what I was asking of this man because he wouldn't want it to happen. I didn't want it either, but I rathered it happen to me than Spencer. I knew how to deal with kind of trauma far better than he did.

"Tu piuttosto mi si tocca di lui?" he asked which meant, "You rather me touch you than him?"

"Sì," I replied which meant yes.

"What are you saying? What's going on?" Spencer asked. I was teaching him some Italian, but I had only taught him the alphabet so far.

"Parla con me Max, lasciarlo in pace. Non male di lui." I said in a pleading but somehow also stern voice. It meant, "Talk to me Max, leave him alone. Don't hurt him." "Roll back over Spencer, don't watch," I said as Max came toward me. Spencer didn't need to see this. He raped me, and he used a condom thank god. I was sorry that Spencer had to watch, and that he didn't know that I had told this moron to attack me and leave him alone. He was so out of the loop. l also knew if he knew what I said, he wouldn't have let it happen. I appreciated it, but I was trying to protect him from one of the most horrible tortures. After Max left I managed to get my hands free of the head board and I was then able to untie and un-tape my feet. I went over to Spencer, he had his back to me and I could see his shoulders shaking but I didn't hear him crying. I untied him from the foot board and the head board. "Spencer, I'm so sorry you had to watch that. I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry," I said putting my duct taped hands on his shoulders. It took him a moment to respond, he was in shock.

"Why did he only hurt you?" Spencer asked.

"Because I told him too," I said.

"That's what you were saying to him?" Spencer asked. I couldn't tell if he was shocked, upset or angry.

"Spencer," I said softly. He looked at me, "He's known to rape men and women. You've already been through a lot of hard experiences; I didn't want you to go through that. I've learned to take it, to deal. At least the bustard used a condom like I asked if he was going to do it," I said.

"I would have learned to cope with it, with your help." Spencer replied sadly. I smiled weakly, at the gesture, but the smile didn't touch my eyes. I was still dealing with it. I had therapy three times a week for crying out loud, for myself, not giving counseling to others.

"With that kind of experience Spencer you need a lot of help. I went to meetings and counseling, and of course I talked to you. I am still going to meetings and counseling. It almost takes an army to get through something like that; you have to learn to go somewhere else. It's kind of surprising that I don't have D.I.D and created an altar." I knew I wouldn't have to explain to him that D.I.D was dissociative identity disorder and that an altar was another person that lived inside the person that had D.I.D and one person could have more than 30 altars. Formally known as multiple personality disorder, but that name was proved to be incorrect at least 10 years ago. I got the duct tape off of him and he got it off my hands. He then embraced me tightly and cried. I held on to him and let my tears over flow. I did my best to comfort him, holding him tightly and rubbing his back slightly. I just held him close and cried with him.

"How'd you get free?" Spencer asked after a while.

"I took the key from him when he was on me. He isn't very bright. His English sucks, but his Italian is pretty good." I said. It wasn't long before Max came back. He was pissed that both of us were free. The dumbass kept the key on some sort of zip line attached to his jeans pocket. It wasn't that hard to take it from him. I got up ready to fight. I knew so many different kinds of self-defense it wasn't even funny. The occult my mother's bf was in had known 40 so I knew those and when I moved in with Spencer I started learning 6 other kinds of defense that the occult didn't know. Max was actually kind of stupid, he was severely mentally retarded. His English was poor and he knew Italian and some self-defense. He had never been able to hold down a job and he was Theodore's right hand man. He did whatever he was told. I also knew if I got into a fight with him, it would be to the death, or till one of us was so severely injured we couldn't stand back up. But if it went till one of us couldn't get up the injuries would eventually induce death. He was like Lenny in Mice of Men. He didn't know his own strength, or that his size intimidated people.

So we fought. And we fought for hours, I was running on adrenaline. I had to win this fight, for Spencer. I wasn't going to let him see his friend die or killed right in front of him. I also knew where we were, and how to get out. If I lost, Spencer may never get home. I wasn't going to let that happen. I didn't know how we got here, but I needed to get Spencer home. I did win in the end, but I had to take Max's life, which I regretted. Max was stronger than I remembered. He was also bigger, he weighed about 220, and was 6'5 and I was a meager 115 pounds and 5'5. I was breathing heavily and I dropped the knife I had hidden in my boot. I turned to look at Spencer; I was worried that he would now be afraid of me, after seeing me kill someone. He was breathing heavily and I saw that he was panicked. "Spencer?" I asked. He looked up at me and I could tell he was scared for me, not of me. I felt some kind of relief, but I knew our nightmare wasn't over yet; we still had to go home.

I knelt down in front of him and brushed his hair out of his face. He threw his arms around me and I hugged him. Both of us started crying, now that I didn't have to worry about what Max was doing I was able to let my tears take over for a while.

After a while I said, "We need to go home Spencer."

"We don't know where we are," Spencer replied.

"I do, I've been here before. There's a hotel about a 2 hour walk from here. If we leave now we can get there before darkness falls," I said. Spencer started to get up and he stumbled. I pulled his arm over my shoulders and put my other arm around his waist. I was holding his hand that was over my shoulders.

Where was the team? Shouldn't they have found us by now? Did they get lost or turned around on the trail? Darkness would be falling soon and here at night it got cold. "Are you sure you know where you're going? It looks like we're heading deeper into the woods." Spencer asked. I could hear the fear and uncertainty in his voice. I could tell he was extremely upset. I couldn't blame him, what had just happened was very hard to deal with. I pulled him closer to me.

"I'm sure; do you see those marks in the trees from a knife?" I asked.

He looked up and said, "Yeah."

"I made those, to mark the trail. I needed to find my way back into town a lot," I said.

"You're familiar with that cabin?" Spencer asked.

"Too familiar, some changes have been made to it since I was there last. That cabin means we're in Albuquerque." I said.

"New Mexico?" Spencer asked.

"Oh yeah," I said not looking at him and kind of distractedly. I had been taped and held captive in that cabin before. "Night falls fast out here and then you can't see the scorpions, but more importantly you can't see the cliff edges on the trail, it's a sheer drop to the bottom into water and sharp rocks. Plus it gets extremely cold," I said.

"Those things live here, and the trail's that dangerous, why are we on it now," Spencer said in a high voice.

"Don't worry about them Spencer. We'll be at hotel where we can call the team soon, before it gets dark, and I know the trail, I can walk it with my eyes closed I know it so well," I said. He held on to me as I led us through a wooded trail. I kept my arm tightly around his waist. I longed for a soft warm place to sleep that was a safe place. Sure that cabin was warm and safe from animals, but Spencer and I weren't going to be able to sleep there. At some point I stopped because Spencer was shaking so hard. He was weak from the drugs and shock was setting in. "Get on my back, I'll carry you," I said bending down slightly. I had built up some resistance to the drugs having been shot up with about 5 times a month a few years ago. This walk was something I did after being raped at that cabin and after being drugged. The purpose of the drugs was so I would still be there in the morning, but I usually wasn't. I was in the hospital, safe for a few days.

"I'm fine," Spencer said.

"You can barely stand let alone walk Spencer. I _can_ carry you," I said putting emphasis on the can. He surrendered and clambered up on to my back. I then continued walking towards town.

"Thank you," Spencer said burying his face into the back of my shoulder.

"You're welcome," I said. By sunset we reached the town.

"Shouldn't we go to a hospital first?" Spencer asked sliding off my back.

"Yeah, we probably should," I said. I really didn't want to be poked and prodded right now. The hospital was about a three more hour walk away. The police station was closer. I headed for those doors.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asked.

"Getting a ride to the hospital, it's a three hour walk." I said. I talked to the cops and we got a ride to the hospital and we called our team. I convinced the hospital staff to put us in the same room. Spencer wouldn't let go of me. I wasn't sure if I was in shock or staying off my reaction so I could help Spencer and get us both to safety.

"You don't even hesitate to fight someone who's almost three times your size," Spencer said.

"I hesitate, I lose," I said as we sat in the waiting room while the cops talked to the nurses. Before he could ask his next question we were being led to our hospital room.

"Why do you fight so hard?" Spencer asked as we walked through the hospital to our room.

"I've learned if I don't fight for my right to live, I will die and have that right taken from me. Life is a daily battle, usually against germs and toxins that we come into contact with. I know there can be much greater daily battles to fight," I said. Once in our hospital room we changed into cotton, paper thin robes that sounded like paper being crinkled up when you moved. We were examined, x-rayed, and all sorts of things. I didn't really notice or care. I had killed again, had been raped again, and Spencer had to see all of it. I zoned out, being poked and prodded and swabbed felt like being raped again. The doctors that were examining me said something, I just replied, "I know the drill."

Later that night I woke up to the sounds of shrieking. After a second I realized it was Spencer. I pulled myself out of the bed and onto my feet. I turned the light on over his bed, he was asleep. The nurses came running in. I held up my hand to stop them. They waited a few feet away. His heart rate increased, rapidly, his heart was beating so fast. "Spencer! Spencer!" I said loudly shaking him.

He wasn't waking; he continued to shriek my name, "ALLISON! ALLISON!"

I started to pat him on the side of his face, "SPENCER!" I said loudly, "WAKE UP!" I finally grabbed the cup of water from the table and threw it in his face. He sat bolt upright in a panic. "Deep breaths Spencer," I said in the most soothing voice I could manage.

Tears welled up in his eyes, "Allison?" he asked.

"I'm right here Spencer," I said pulling him into a hug. The nurses left as his heart rate was returning to normal and he was awake and talking and sitting up.

"How did you learn to deal with this kind of thing?" Spencer asked his voice starting to choke him off. I hugged him tighter; I knew this must be a terrible reminder of the time he was in the cabin with Hankel.

"Survival," I said answering his question.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"Survival of the fittest. I had to be fit; physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was in track and I worked several jobs." I said.

"Stay with me?" he asked.

"Of course," I said squeezing into his hospital bed with him, grateful that both of us were slender.

The next day the team arrived, of course before Spencer or I were awake. The nurses and doctors left us alone to. I guess they realized I had a calming effect on Spencer. This wasn't the first time I had spent the night with Spencer at a hospital. There had been an anthrax attack. I had been worried sick. When Garcia called me I panicked and I wasn't able to eat or sleep for three days. I started to wake up and I saw a mess of blond hair. "JJ?" I asked.

"Allison, you're up," JJ said.

"Yeah, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm all right now that I know you and Reid are all right," JJ said.

"All right isn't the term I would use," I said.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked.

"Max Jesse Carlisle, he kidnapped us both and I told him to rape me to keep him from raping Spencer, and he made Spencer watch. Later when I managed to get free and then free Spencer; he untied my hands. It wasn't long before Max came back, I fought him and I knew it would be to the death. I killed him, I didn't want to and I didn't want Spencer to see that."

"Where's the cabin? Hotch asked. I wasn't even aware that he had entered the room. Spencer woke up at that moment and pressed himself into me.

"I'm not going back to that cabin," Spencer said. It felt like he was trying to get underneath me. I rolled onto my side so I could face him. I put my hand on the side of his face so my fingers were behind his ear.

"You don't have too; I can draw them a map Spencer. I'll stay here with you," I said. I was very specific with the map, and instructions I gave them. I stayed in the hospital with Spencer. On the plane ride home about a week later, Spencer fell asleep leaning into me. I had my feet pulled up in the seat. My arms were wrapped around my legs and my face was hidden in my in knees and the side of my arms. I now let the full force of what happened hit me and cried. The team left me alone. The only one that was able to get within a foot of me was Spencer.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Several months after the event at the cabin Spencer was still struggling with it. I couldn't blame him. I was going to one of the FBI psychotherapists. Spencer only talked to me about it. I found a way to release my negative energy, lots of exercise at the gym in his apartment complex. I started getting up at 4:00 in the morning so I could go to the gym and I was there till 6:00 then I showered and came back to Spencer's apartment and made breakfast. That release was great. At night I did yoga.

One night Spencer joined me, I was doing the marcanera. "I need to talk to you," he nearly shouted over the music. I couldn't hear him but I read his lips. I hit the pause button just as the song turned to Tik Tok. I needed to loosen my muscles before I started yoga. I then noticed how sad Spencer looked. I then remembered the case he was working on. I felt my heart plummet. "What happened Spencer?" I asked in a sympathetic voice.

"The Reaper," he said.

"He killed a team memember?" I asked fear coloring my voice.

Spencer shook his head, "Not exactly." I was desparately trying to figure out what he was attempting to tell me. Then I remembered Spencer had told me, Foyet wanted to watch Hotch suffer and fall apart.

"Haley!" I said surpirsed and shocked but also very upset.

He nodded. I walked up to him and put my arms around him. He hugged me back. After a while I cleaned up and went back to his apartment.

"The service is tomorrow," Spencer said.

"I'll come with you," I said. Haley was such a nice person. Many would miss her, a lot. At the service I helped carry the casket and when everyone was at the grave site and telling stories about her I wrapped my arms around Spencer's arm that wasn't holding onto his cane and leaned into his arm and cried. My arms were crossed and holding Spencer's arm closer to me and I was holding a white rose in my hands. I could sense that Spencer was trying not to cry; he kept swallowing, but his eyes were glistening, and his face told me how sad he was. I wrapped my arm around his waist and took his put his head on my shoulder.

"W.S. Gilbert wrote, "it's love that makes the world go round," and if that's true the world spun a little faster with Haley in it. Haley was my best friend since we were in High School. We certainly had our struggles but if there's one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son Jack. Haley's love for Jack was joyous, and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn't here today. A mother's love is an unrivaled force of nature and we can all learn much from the way Haley lived her life. Haley's death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives, to measure who we are, and what we have become. I don't have all those answers for myself, but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together and I will make sure Jack grows up knowing who his mother was, and she loved and protected him, and how much I loved her. If Haley was with us today she would ask us not to mourn her death, but to celebrate her life. She would tell us- She would tell us to love your families unconditionally and to hold them close because in the end they are all that matter. I met Haley at the tryouts of our High School's production of _The Pirates of Penzance_, I found our copy of the play and I was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed appropriate for this moment:  
'Oh, dry the glistening tear  
That dews that martial cheek;  
Thy loving children hear,  
In them thy comfort seek.  
With sympathetic care  
Their arms around thee creep,  
For oh, they cannot bear  
To see their father weep.'" Hotch said before we came up to lay a rose upon the coffin and walk away. Afterword he had a dinner setup so all of her friends and family could come and say goodbye and give their condolences. Haley and I were great friends; I used to hang out with her when I was waiting for Spencer to come home from a case. During the dinner Spencer and his team got a case, they had to go. "If you need me there, call me," I said helping Spencer to his feet and hugging him. I felt bad not going with him, I knew I would feel bad for leaving now too.

Even though he didn't call me I came the next morning, I didn't have any clients this week. I called Garcia and got their location and I got on a plane. "Allison!" Spencer said as I came in to the police station. "Sorry to drop in, I just need something to help keep my mind off of well, I need something to do," I said.

Spencer nodded, "You can help me with the geographical profile," he said.

A few days after that case I found out I was pregnant. I called in sick. I wasn't sure what to do. Spencer and I both had schizophrenia in our family so there was a high chance our child would be born with it. I was against abortion; I had done it in the past because I had no option, to protect myself, and as ironic as it seems now, it was the best way to protect my child from harm that would come to him if he was brought into the world that I was living in. I was also against bringing someone into the world that wouldn't be able to cope with the world. I was conflicted. Spencer was at work, I just hoped that he would help me figure this out.

When he got home I explained what was going on. "What do you believe Allison?" Spencer asked.

"That abortion is wrong, but I also think it's wrong to bring someone into the world that won't be able to cope with it. Schizophrenia runs in both of our families, which means the child could be born with it. An adult with schizophrenia is one thing Spencer, but a child that has it is another thing entirely. It's like a motorcycle and a minivan. It isn't easy." I said.

"Do you want children?" he asked. I nodded. "So give him a chance at life, we'll figure it out. We'll get our child the help he needs," Spencer said. I hugged him. I was glad that he was able to help me figure this out.

"Thank you Spencer," I said. Over the next few days I was emotional. Hormones were already taking control of my head. I tried hard to keep my emotions in check.

At about 9 weeks I was home and I went to the bathroom thinking I had to go, but I lost it. I sat down on the bathroom floor and cried. I was unable to flush the baby away. Later I heard Spencer come home but I didn't move. "Allison!" I heard Spencer call. I guess he wasn't able to find me or hear me or something. I wasn't in my usual spot when he came home. Normally when I worked late I rode home with him. When I was at home I was on the couch waiting for him with food on the table. I wasn't able to answer. At some point I heard a door open then Spencer say, "Allison," his voice was shocked, concerned, worried. I was still sobbing.

I was trying to catch my breath so I could tell him. "I lost it," I sobbed.

"What?" Spencer asked confused. I was too upset to tell him again. "Allison, what did you lose?" Spencer asked softly. I looked slightly toward the toilet. Spencer looked in it.

"I haven't been able to bring myself to flush it," I sobbed. Spencer pulled me toward him. I hadn't a clue what happened. Why did I lose my baby?

"Ssshhh, Ssshhh, relax Allison. We'll figure this out," Spencer said rocking me back and forth slightly. I didn't know he could be so comforting. I was usually the one comforting him. At some point he took me into the living room. He was still holding me and I was trying to calm myself down so I could talk.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why what?" Spencer asked. I loved him but sometimes he was oblivious.

"Why did I lose my baby?" I asked.

"I don't know. We can go to the doctor and find out," Spencer said. I nodded getting up.

"Let's go now," I said grabbing my purse and jacket. Even though it was warm outside I put my jacket on. I was so cold. When we arrived at the hospital we had to wait awhile. I was nervous and quiet and still upset as we waited. Spencer talked with the people at the check in desk. I couldn't deal with it. After a while both of us sat down.

"Allison Rivers," a nurse called. I didn't move, I barely heard what was going on around me. "Allison Rivers," the same person said.

"Allison, that's us," Spencer said putting his arm around me and pulling me to my feet. I just followed. It was like someone else was in my body and this wasn't happening to me, like I was watching from another point of view. I went through the normal routine that doctors put you through: scale, blood pressure, height, head measurement, temperature check. Spencer put his arms around me and followed the doctor to an examination room.

The doctor asked me all sorts of things and I answered them, but I still felt like I was in a haze. The doctor drew some blood to see if that could tell him what had happened. "Can you check my omega levels, for postpartum depression?" I asked.

"Sure," The doctor said leaving the room. As soon as he was gone I started to sob again. My jacket was in the crock of my arm and I brought my arm up that was holding my jacket so my hand was by my face. Spencer came to stand beside me and wrapped his arms around me. One of my arms was pinned against his and my chest. I used my free arm to grab his arm.

"Easy Allison, it's going to be all right. Just breathe," Spencer said. I was doing my best to stay calm and take deep breaths. The doctor came back in with some charts. Spencer sat down behind me and kept his arms around me.

"Your omegas are low, a good indicator for postpartum depression. Which is treatable, with the right meds to balance you out and some counseling you'll be fine." He said turning a page in the chart folding the page up over the chart. "Your white cell count is high but you didn't have a fever when you came in. White cells are…" he started.

"Yeah, I know what they do," I said. "What is the significance of a high white cell count when there is no infection present?" I asked.

"There is no infection anymore. Right now tests show that your body believed that the fetus was an infection and it needed to be taken care of. So your body rejected it," The doctor said.

"Is there any way to keep it from happening again?" I asked.

"Not that we are aware of as we don't know why but when you're ready to try again, come in for some tests so that we can make sure you're healthy. And when you do get pregnant come in a few times a month. I'll give a prescription for the postpartum." The doctor said starting to write the prescription.

"There's nothing else you can do?" Spencer asked as the doctor signed the prescription.

"I'm afraid not," the doctor said handing me the script. His tone indicated that the conversation was over. I took it, but didn't say anything.

"Well, thanks for your help," Spencer said as we headed out the door. As soon as we got home I went straight to our closet. I grabbed a shoe box and went to the bathroom and fished my baby out of the toilet and I put it in the shoe box. I knew what I was about to do wasn't much of a funeral, but it was something I needed to do. I grabbed a fake flower wreath and a garden stake and my pocket knife. "What are you doing?" Spencer asked.

"I'm going to bury her,' I said grabbing the keys.

"Now? It's almost dark." Spencer said.

"Yes now, it's something I need to do. It's something you should need to do too." I said.

"Fine, let's go," Spencer said.

I put the shoe box in the back seat and I got in the driver's seat. I was driving to a friend's house. Her property backed up onto some woods. She said I could come walk in the woods and or see her at any time and to let myself in the tool shed. Once there I parked around back. "This is somebody else's property," Spencer said.

"I have permission, my friend lives here," I said. I grabbed the shoe box and popped the trunk and grabbed the pocket knife, wood garden stake, and fake flower wreath I had brought. I also grabbed a flashlight. I handed some of the stuff to Spencer so I could close the trunk. We headed around back towards the tool shed and grabbed a shovel and walked towards the woods. Spencer hesitated. "Nothing is going to happen Spencer. The way I'm feeling right now no one would dare cross me," I said holding out my hand. Since Hankel had kidnapped him he had been afraid of the woods, I couldn't blame him. He took my hand and followed.

I found a spot between two trees and set all the supplies along with the shoebox down so I could start digging. I dug right in-between the tree roots, missing them. After I had dug a hole that was about three and half feet deep and two feet wide all around I placed the shoebox in the ground. "How did you dig a hole that big that fast?" Spencer asked. It had taken me maybe 45 minutes to dig the hole.

"I've had lots of forced practice, if I didn't get done on time or at a certain time I got the belt," I replied. Spencer looked horrified. Honestly I had preferred the belt to being raped every night. Welts from the belt would heal, scars from being raped never do. "It's nothing Spencer, I preferred the belt to being raped," I said.

I started to fill in the hole, when the hole was about half way I grabbed the garden the stake and the knife and I started to carve into the wood. "Can you give me some light?" I asked Spencer.

"Sure," he said holding the flashlight over what I was doing. I carved the initials A.D.R. Abbey Diana Reid (Rivers). The R could stand for either of our last names. "What do the initials stand for?" Spencer asked. "Abbey Diana Reid/ Rivers, the R can stand for either of our last names." After I had finished carving I put the bottom of the stake in the ground, "Could you please hold that?" I asked.

"Sure," Spencer said. He held the stake upright and straight while I finished filling in the hole. After the hole was filled we tied the flower wreath onto the top of the stake then we left, and put the shove away. "Are you okay?" Spencer asked.

I gave a weak smile which I didn't think he could see in the dark unless he had the flashlight more on me than the path. "I'm a long way from okay, but I'll get there. I did what I needed to grieve." I replied. Several weeks passed and we kept trying but my body would not accept the idea of it, no matter how well we timed it. I was ready to give up. As screwed up as I was I doubted that I could make a good parent and Spencer and I were both profilers, we were almost never home. That wasn't the kind of parent a child needed. My parents had been home granted, but I had wanted to run, but didn't, knowing the price that my siblings would have to pay.

My younger sister had tried to run, it cost her life and then my brother and I got 40 lashes from the belt that night. Neither of us tried to run, though we both wanted to. There was just nowhere to go, not until I met an FBI agent, he saved me. It was too late for my brother; he was brain dead from the beatings my mother's boyfriend dished out. I was the middle child, my brother being the oldest.


End file.
